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af505
[–]1mrust 4 points5 points6 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Playing the class act is a social lubricant but you don't owe anything to this guy. If he's rude to you, zone him out instead of inviting him into the conversation. Be nice... Until it's time to not be nice. This is one of those times.
You seem surprised that the girl didn't back you up despite your "connection"
It's more your belief that this connection would make a difference rather than her reaction that leads me to conclude she sees you as BB.
[–]1KyfhoMyoba 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah. The fact that your gf didn't back you up indicates that she doesn't think of you as alpha by default, and that any random guy that comes up and insults you/compliments her can throw your whole relationship dynamic into question.
[–][deleted] 11 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]af505 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I hear you. My concern was that if I drew a hard line with him like that that would make me look like the bad guy and lower my value in her eyes. As though I needed to keep smiling and take the high road in a sense. Frankly I'm not sure what I should've done but what I did didn't seem to work either!!
Regarding her loyalty in other situations, can say there were no red flags with anybody else. Although I've never run into an individual who is this annoying and this consistent in their behavior like this (referring to him).
[–]SplashArtist 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
In other words you weren't acting congruent. That seems like a nice guy thing to do. If you were irritated by it then you should have let him know. Read what you wrote and you will see its coming from a place of lack and neediness. That neediness made you self destruct your own relationship. I'm sure if you reacted differently you wouldn't have broken up with her.
[–]af505 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
My concern was that if I had let him know that it, then it would've made me look weak.
[–]SplashArtist 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How would that make you look weak? If someone steps on your toe and it hurts would you say something? I think being passive and not saying something because it would make you look weak is the real weakness.
[–]clam61 1 points1 points1 points 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
breaking up with her is the right thing.
You are kind of screwed in this situation because your girl is not backing you up.
if you sit back and take it, you look bad, but if you stand up for yourself this guy is going to be like "whoa whoa I'm jk buddy take it easy", and your girl will be like, "omg take it easy babe", which makes you look even worse.
the best solution is to make a flippant remark at him, at his expense, but we aren't all comedians who know how to get at hecklers
of course, you shouldn't tell ur gf it bothered u...but then again its a moot point because she deserves the boot.
there was another story on here a few months ago involving pool, his gf, and another guy.
The OP's gf met him at a pool hall with her coworker. the coworker was flirty and the girl wasn't rejecting his flirts. on top of that the coworker made a bet with the OP over a game of pool. if the OP lost, his gf would give the guy a blow job. the OP asked the gf what she thought of it, and the girl just laughed it off and said she was cool with it.
so the OP purposely sunk the 8 ball and said "you can have her" and walked off. some people here said he was a pussy, but that was the best thing he could have done IMO
the results were that the girl was begging him to come back. the coworker looked foolish. can't argue with results.
[–]af505 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hey I also read that story. Pool game BJ etc. I agree that was his best option.
I appreciate your feedback. I'm not naturally a comedian so I've been trying to look at other ways to handle the situation, God forbid history repeats itself. But even if history does not repeat itself I need to know when my own mind that I have a strong plan.
[–]Granny_Whisperer 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bad guy > weak guy
The AMOG played you real good and you let it happen because you wanted to avoid confrontation. Your girl's hindbrain did not like it at all.
Also don't expect loyalty from women and you will be disappointed less often.
[–]mrshowdown 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Soo many bitches on this sub forum who claim to be alpha.
Me and none of my friends who have no part of this disrespect. A simple "what's your problem? Get the fuck out of here" is the correct response. And then tell your girlfriend "we are leaving this dump full of peasants"
I wouldn't have none of this breaking frame bullshit on here. The fact that you let this guy punk you off in front of your girl showed your girlfriend that your a little punk bitch who can't defend himself or her.
What's next? He goes and directly asks your girlfriend for her number while you just stand there?
You don't have to necessarily have to fight but just look like your ready to throw down. Most guys will back down.
If you reacted more like a man in this situation I guarantee she would have gave you the best sex of your life in this situation.
[–]Incognitro777 -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Pretty much this. Post was Beta as fuck.
[–]Incognitro777 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
How is that banter? That's just plain disrespectful to you. If he had the balls to say that in front of you that's a direct attack to you. Forget the girl, where's your dignity? I'd calmly ask him if he's looking to step outside with me.
He does it numerous times. Clearly he doesn't see you as threatening.
[–]mrshowdown 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The OP needs to work out and learn martial arts. No one wants to mess with a guy who is even slightly muscular or who would appear to give some type of trouble in a fight.
[–]Incognitro777 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's why it's important to lift.
That guy was asking to get wrecked. Forget "frame, af, bb, amog" and all that mental stuff. When it's time to stand up fit yourself, you put your foot down heavy. Not an advocate of starting shit but that guy is asking to get wrecked.
The girl didn't have to support op. It's op's job to defend his own honor.
The AMOG figured out right away that your idea of keeping frame meant that you could not comfortably express negative emotions. He knew that you would not call him out as long as he didn't commit some serious faux pas. He played you real good and you just took it while your girl watched. Women, deep in their vaginas, don't appreciate that at all. She'd probably have responded better to you making an ass out of yourself as long as you weren't just taking it like a bitch.
[–]Red_pills 3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
You've acted pretty beta here. The guy AMOGed you perfectly and you let it get to you. Telling your girlfriend how much it bothered you showed you weren't alpha enough to deal with it.
You shouldn't be looking for support from your gf when a guy is making quips at you. It's your job to shoot him down whilst remaining calm, cocky and confident. You messed up here but splitting up with her was probably for the best. As soon as you let her know how much this guy has thrown you off your game, you've lost a lot of value in her eyes.
Learn and move on.
[–]af505 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Thanks man, I can take it & I think you're right.
Any feedback on specifics in responding more effectively (to him)?
[–]2rp_valiant 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
not OP, but my suggestion would be to turn his joke back on himself in a witty way. This is partly why wit is so important in retaining alpha frame.
For example, with his first line, "so this was the only guy you could get a date with?" you responded by saying "Thanks buddy I see you're full of compliments tonight" which sounds a bit butthurt. A better comeback might be "yeah it's lucky I turned up or she might have to stoop to coming out with you". It's a playful back-and-forth on the surface but the subtext is a battle to assert dominance over each other. Whoever comes out on top of the banter exchange wins.
[–]af505 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
It's something I'm not a natural at I have to admit. But I can see how vital it is to learn this skill. Thanks for the great explanation.
[–]2rp_valiant 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
try watching videos of standup comedians being heckled - the better ones can come up with a great quip off the cuff and it might help to watch that dynamic in action.
Not a bad idea, thanks for the tip
[–]OurMindsLiveOn 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
No you don't even need to do any of that. Talking back and forth like that is what women do, and if you can acknowledge that you won't feel the need to do any of it.
The bare minimum you need to do is deadpan stare them in the eye and ask them what? Like it went in one ear and out the other.that's it one fucking word.
After that you ask them a very simple question, if they start to answer you drown them out the moment a word comes out of their stupid mouth. And you make it known too. Turn your back to him or walk straight up to your girl and whisper something or some shit. that's it his times up.
Nobody really will stand around an area waiting to respond to being iced out and if they do? You now get to be the one to walk away, take your woman to another spot, fuck the pool game.
[–]Red_pills 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Not responding can also look like you're being socially awkward if not done correctly. I've always been of the bantering kind and I find its pretty easy to do once you're in a habit of doing it. The key is to not let it bother you in the first place and everything that follows will be a natural progression.
Developing a thick skin is not something that happens overnight. But you do have to note that the better you get with women the more the jealous guys will try to knock you down.
[–]OurMindsLiveOn -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You don't get brownie points for being socially aware. The type of people who put an emphasis on outwitting each other perceive themselves and social hierarchy as something important, are defining themselves by "the matrix".
Fact: if you play by the rules you can be beat. Playing this back and forth game if your not witty will overwhelm you and you will look and feel stupid. Instead of doing any of that and practicing and wasting your time. Just don't play. I have never had a problem giving someone the cold shoulder, and it takes no effort, if they want to take it further than that I keep a lead pipe in my trunk at all times, I have no time for being amogged or worrying about how anyone perceives me.
[–]DRMMR76 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, telling a woman that you're having problems is one of the very definitions of breaking frame.
[–]1KyfhoMyoba 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I disagree. If this girl is auditioning for a shot at GF, then she failed, and should be demoted to plate or FWB or the like. It is not OPs job to shoot the guy down, that would just be mate guarding, and we all know that beta males mate guard, and alpha males disregard, it most emphatically IS her job, especially when out with a guy she is auditioning for, to self-regulate her attention and not show disrespect to her current man.
As soon as you let her know how much this guy has thrown you off your game, you've lost a lot of value in her eyes.
I agree, and this is also not mutually exclusive with what I said above.
That's not mate guarding, that's defending your own honor. The guy took a direct shot at OP. It's that the best you can get? That means he sees OP as a chump. Fuck frame and all this beta bullshit. You step to me like that, that's crossing a line. Who the fuck winks at another dude?? It's that doused to make things friendly?
[–]letmeseeyourrealface 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is tough man. I don't know how I would react.
I would probably react with aggression or try to humiliate him. I'm an aggressive guy though. I would not like those type of comments at all. I wouldn't give a shit if people see me as "the bad guy".
The thing is: once you accept this type of "banter", it will keep going. He won't stop doing it. Even if you make a witty comment. This guy clearly does not like you or is jealous, this is just a subtle way of showing that.
He attacks you in a subtle way, which looks innocent in the eyes of other people but what he really is trying to do is make you look like a fool without you knowing it. Of course you know this, that's why you felt crappy about it.
These are suckers and the worst type of people imo. They appear to be careless and friendly. But at the same time they fuck you over/make themselves look better at the expense of someone else.
This was a lesson to be learned and I understand your feeling completely.
Thanks I'm just trying to formulate a good plan for next time. Somewhere between being weak sauce and being obnoxiously reactive
[–]∞ Mod | TRP Vanguardbsutansalt 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Removed. This belongs in /r/asktrp
[–]mrshowdown 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
What are you going to do differently? What did you learn so far?
[–][deleted] 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]mrshowdown 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Tell him to fuck off. I'm serious and only looking out for you. Do not give a bully an inch or he'll take a mile. To put things into perspective would he treat you like this if you were his boss? Hell no..
Your GF subconsciously saw this and was probably turned off which is why she is not calling you begging you to take her back.
[–]1KyfhoMyoba 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
OP, how tight is your game?
The most alpha response that I can think of would be to hand the interloper your pool cue, smile, and excuse yourself to the restroom. After exiting the restroom, instead of returning to your gf and the interloper, go game other women in the venue. Let the gf come find you [with said women].
This is called Dread Game [cue sound angelic choir].
[–]GhostInTheRedPill 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hindsight is 20/20, but also drop a comment as you leave like "The gay dude wont bother you while I'm gone babe." (smile and wink), or "Finish this game up for me will you dude, I'll be back in a minute" give him a direct command, he complies, you dominate.
I hear you. The other guy has a girlfriend and she is very loyal to him. they've been married for years and are obvious soulmate types. That of course made all of this feel even worse.
[–]TheDynamicHamza21 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
One rule to remember never criticize a woman for a behavior she never agreed to in the first place. You should have told her what you expected her
my job and my social life have me in a variety of social situations, and it is important that I'm with someone who has my back in the same way that I would have their back. I don't need someone to stick up for me, but I do need to know that my partner is on my team. And this seems like a red flag."
and then see if she agrees to this or not. If she does not then kick her to the curb but you have give her chance to raise to the level you expect of her, first!
Good point. That would have been a fair on my part. It's pretty much too late to go back now and both of us have moved on. But it's good to reflect on this feedback to plan better next Time
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[–]1mrust 4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]1KyfhoMyoba 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]af505 0 points1 point2 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]SplashArtist 2 points3 points4 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]af505 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]SplashArtist 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]clam61 1 points1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]af505 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Granny_Whisperer 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mrshowdown 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Incognitro777 -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Incognitro777 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]mrshowdown 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Incognitro777 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Granny_Whisperer 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Red_pills 3 points4 points5 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]af505 2 points3 points4 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]2rp_valiant 2 points3 points4 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]af505 1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]2rp_valiant 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]af505 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]OurMindsLiveOn 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]OurMindsLiveOn -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]letmeseeyourrealface 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]af505 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]∞ Mod | TRP Vanguardbsutansalt 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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