About eight months ago, around the beginning of my unplugging, I remember reading a post in TRP sub called, "The Five Stages of Red Pill, and how to read r/TRP textposts." by TRP Endorsed author 'Whisper'.

Although it may be subjective, and I am still fairly new to TRP, I believe I am in Stage Three: Bargaining.

I used to be angry and shocked (to put it lightly) when I was exposed to woman's true nature. You know, thinking back to failed relationships, one nights stands or any current interaction with a female, but now, to be honest, I don't feel much of anything anymore towards women.

They don't have the same 'I'll go to the end of the earth' type of effect on me. And I don't feel like doing anything for them for any reason.

I have no negative feelings towards them. Because having a place like this (TRP sub) and the manosphere, really helps with the negativity and grieving process. Hearing shared stories is like a therapy. Just be sure to stay away from too much negativity that is found throughout the sphere and TRP sites.

The feelings of negativity I had towards women have now been converted to a thought process of, "Damnit DCL, how did you miss all of this?!" Followed by some positive self talk, "It's okay dude, you just didn't know.", then the reading of some posts on Game/TRP and then off to try 'em out.

Don't get me wrong, my boners are as plentiful as always but my attraction towards them is more primal and not saturated in fantastical romanticized delusions. I want to be the man woman grab onto when the shit hits the fan, not the hero that saves them from whatever trouble they get themselves into.

What is most strange though, right now during my unplugging, is not the fact that I feel almost zero motivation for an emotional connection with a woman (I don't know, maybe that will change when I get older, I am twenty eight), but, that I actually miss how obliviously unaware I was just floating along in my blue pill head.

Because when I think back, pre red pill, I still got laid. I still had relationships. So I must of been doing something right. Now however, even though I think I know more about women, I feel I have lost something.

Maybe I have lost some blue pill behavior, and I know you can't 'plug back in', but there is something about how happy I was back in the day.

But that thought is then soon whipped away by the knowledge I have gained, through red pill literature (see: sidebar) and reminds me where that happy blue pill energy is now focused, me (see: dcllive.wordpress.com).

Perhaps some veteran red piller's know what I am getting at here. As a matter of fact, I was hoping someone here could maybe help me articulate what I am trying say, for the benefit of other readers and recovering betas like myself.

Never TLDR. -dcl

EDIT - Soon after posting this I was lucky enough to have a message exchange with a red pill man. He wishes for me not to cite the source as his username is used elsewhere and he would like to keep his views on the dl, which I don't mind at all.

I decided to share it with you because I felt there was some great advice for any recovering beta, like myself.

Here is the exhange: (NOTE we sent messages at different times so there might be an unusual flow to the conversation)

RPMan: "Ignorance is bliss man. Thats what you're feeling. You were happy before because you didn't understand. Now you do. Its a phase we all go through. It'll take some time but you'll grow to accept it, move past it, and then you'll be happy in a completely new way - actualized, living life as a man without apology, and capable of relating to women on the right level"

DCL: "'Username', thanks man. This was just the response I needed.

'Happy in a completely new way' and 'relating to women in the right way' these are what I think I am looking for.

This short exchange should be in the comments. You gave me some good advice. -d"

RPMan: "No prob man, It would be in the comments if I didn't work with a bunch of femnazis looking for another set of balls to hang on their wall ;). I like to keep my knowledge a little on the downlow.

And its serious man. You're going through the tough part, the growth section. You see all the bullshit but haven't broken through yet to the opening of mind. Thats when you accept things for what they are and understand that important things matter more than what you used to think. You'll be happy on a deeper level. You'll engage with women in a more honest way (and really thats the biggest improvement man - you don't expect all these great things from girls anymore because you understand they cant do it, you dont hate them for that, you understand it...and you do what you need to do to build the relationships you want). Oh and you get laid a lot more ;)

DCL: "Would you mind if I quoted your message in a future blog post of mine? Your advice is simple but effective. I think recovering betas, like myself, need to hear stuff like this. I am part of the aggregator manosphere.com. -d"

RPMan: "Quote away man...just don't cite the source ;) I'd like a link to the post when ya make it though, wouldn't mind reading your thoughts on everything.

As I say, learning that a woman acts the way she does because thats all she can do is liberating. You slip into a natural role of leadership and it makes you both a lot happier"

RPMan: "To be honest man, I always figured mentorin betas in rehab is a good thing.

Guys waking up like theyre coming outta a coma - there's a lot of shit out there thats designed to get ya falling right back into it"

DCL: "This is great man. Wonderful to hear this. I have always wanted to 'engage woman in an honest way'. And I knew it would make me the happiest or 'happy on a deeper level'.

"you don't expect all these great things from girls anymore because you understand they cant do it, you dont hate them for that, you understand it" - I think you just explained exactly what I am going through."

RPMan: "Yup, Man once you understand that women are like children...well, it all falls into place. Shes not manipulative or cruel because she wants to be, she just literally can't be better. It's up to you, as a man, to help her help herself to improve. Its an amazing weight lifted man. Suddenly you see your relationships with women in the right light - you're a packleader and shes a follower...and it just clicks.

I worried, back in the beta days, that I wasn't being honest if I went alpha. I laugh at that now. I was being a lying sack of shit when I was beta because I wasn't being true to myself. And as such, I was lying to her too. I was denying both of us the man I could be if I just grew some balls and embraced the pill.

Its like fucking a virgin. She begs you not to put more than the tip in...it hurts right. A beta pulls out, cause thats what he thinks a nice guy would do. Was he being kind? No. He denied her the pleasure of her first orgasm. He denied himself the same thing. He delayed both of their growth. And whats worse...he slapped himself on the back for being a good guy and doing the right thing. He smothered himself in a lie."

DCL: "You got it 'username'. Believe me, I understand the downlow. My new job is a heavy female dominate field, personal support work, and I would hate it if anyone there found my blog. Although, it is self employment, so I think I will be okay from anyone finding out."

RPMan: "Ah man I work in a pretty high power position - not the president or any of that shit, but I'm doing okay for myself. There is a lot of pressure to bow to the feminist ideal these days, and anyone seen to challenge the status quo has a very hard time of things. The sad thing is...it goes completely against the feelings of the men at the top. None of them care. But, in the modern climate with hysteria on blogs and tumblr and lawsuits and accusations and daytime tv eviscerations...they're scared of the blow-back if we got accused of being a hostile work environment. So everyone pastes fake smiles on at the office and does his best not to attract the attention of the femnazis.

Fucking stupid if you ask me. But I like keeping my job ya know."

DCL: "'falling right back into it' You're right. That is what I am most concerned about. Falling back into old habits. I know enough about the brain to know that, neural circuitry that has been bombarded for years by external influences, can be hard to re-wire."

RPMan: "Thats why we have TRP man. And buddies. And anonomous online interaction. It's where we get regrounded. Can marshal our mental forces, keep the borders guarded against slipping into the barbarism of betahood ;). Which is hyperbolic shit...but I'm serious. Thats why we're all here man, to get the benefit of the brotherhood. I always figure the one thing lacking in alpha talks these days is the recognition that we're a brotherhood...there's an obligation there to support your fellow men in their transitions"

DCL: "Wow, I do remember thinking that they were manipulative and cruel. Now I see that they can't help it. Plus, you confirming that that is a natural 'ah-ha' moment for men digesting the red pill, makes me feel good about the processes I am undertaking with this whole post-masculine journey."

RPMan: "It aint post masculine man...its pre-masculine. Thats one of them things betas don't get. They're women in action. Alpha is when you start being a man."

DCL: "I see what youre saying. I meant post-masculine as in, after what I was told masculinity was when I was younger. Power position. That must be real cool and interesting.

"there's an obligation there to support your fellow men in their transitions" You my friend, are doing just that.

Thanks for this exchange 'username'. It was priceless."

RPMan: "No problem at all man, cost me nothing and hopefully it gave ya something - got a question, chuck it this way man. Happy to help a guy finding his way to the truth."