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idrivetanks
[–]Endorsed Contributorredpillbanana6 points7 points8 points 12 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
One thing to be careful of is giving off a desperate vibe. Even the toughest badasses can end up giving off a vibe like this around women if they aren't experienced.
BTW I'm not feeling too good about seeing serious use of feminist doublespeak like "cis gendered male" in this sub (as I'm sure /r/feminism would hate to see terms like SMV and LMR in their sub). Just saying "male" is fine, in my arrogant opinion.
[–]idrivetanks[S] 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Fair enough. Fully taking the red pill is sorta new to me, as I have been conditioned to be a "gentleman" for a loooooooong time.
I don't think I am giving off a desperate vibe. I am direct in my messaging without implying emotions "meet me there and there, at time and time", and I sort of adhere to the golden ratio (learned that about an hour ago). But, I am here to learn, as I apparently have a vibe issue...
[–]birdwontquit1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The vibe issue is just my guess given limited information. Don't take if as gospel. See if it makes sense and seems reasonable to you. Also, this is a bit controversial but if you have a female friend who can be honest with you and is self-aware they can shoot you straight sometimes.
[–]idrivetanks[S] 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well, I am not going in the direction of appearing more desperate! That's for fucking sure!
[–]birdwontquit2 points3 points4 points 12 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Do you fuck these girls you're dating?
My guess, with limited information, is that you're not exciting/polarizing enough as a man. You have a lot of on paper value but may be a bit dull.
Your response to that message should be "don't worry sweetie, I have zero interest in anything serious". Going forward, you should be the one preemptively saying you don't want something serious. The "I don't want you think I'm tricking you part" means you're giving off the impression you're a dude who wants to settle down it seems.
[–]idrivetanks[S] 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Fuck? About half.
Going forward, you should be the one preemptively saying you don't want something serious.
Golden. Thank you.
Btw, my reply was pretty much exactly as you suggested. Which is what I felt. Which makes it extremely frustrating that this is my unintentional vibe.
I will also work on polarizing. By that you are referring to push/pull?
my reply was pretty much exactly as you suggested
Great. The "sweetie" is there for a slight note of condescension for her presumption that you want to settle down with her. You could even take it farther and say something like "That's rather presumptuous of you. Don't worry, I'm not looking for anything serious with you".
Push/pull is one example, yes. In more of a broad sense, polarizing in the sense of something people either love or hate. I'm a polarizing guy, girls who like me fucking love me, girls who hate me fucking hate me. I'm not middle of the road. If you're not pissing anybody off you're probably not exciting anybody either.
Middle of the road is definitely a issue for me. I guess I am not contentious enough. It is a lot easier to tell a guy he is fucking up a nuts and bolts task than telling a girl she is fucking up attracting me. I probably end up smoothing over too much?
Anyways, thanks a lot for insights and suggestions.
[–]FindMitch2 points3 points4 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yep, you are awesome on paper and you're a man in uniform, that's a plus plus plus. I'm going to assume your body language, your physical stature, and your confidence talking to people are all adequate. My guess is that you're falling into the boring polite guy category.
Flirting Engaging Escalation Humor
Something is lacking in one of the above categories or in all categories. You can't expect the success you've enjoyed in your career and finances to be enough to attract and a keep women around. When you're out on a date, you must take the opportunity to tease/flirt/neg the girl. If she's not going "OMG" slap you on arm, then you're doing something wrong.
I hope to god you're not talking about the weather or how to replace the engine in a fighter jet during your dates. You have to escalate the conversations. Get personal, get raunchy, get sexual, and most importantly get to know HER. 70% of the conversation should be about her and 30% about you. Don't burst-fire questions are her, but instead take your time on each conversational subject to ask her how it made her feel or what her opinion is. These conversational skills can be seductive and comfort-building which inevitably lead to sex.
Don't be afraid to touch her. Touch her shoulder when you make a point, hold her knee when she says something funny, give her a gentle hug when you guys agree on something. Kissing will ensue and so forth. Physical escalation brings you closer to sex and defines you as a potential romantic partner, not a friend.
Lastly, are you funny man? Do you know how to tell a funny story? Whenever I'm around a group of people, I always have a few go-to stories to tell. I practice them and I genuinely enjoy watching people laugh and giggle. Why is this important? Humor is another way of showing that you don't take yourself or anyone that seriously. Another redditor said it best, "A girl who is laughing is half-way to your bed."
Hit those points and you'll enjoy much success!
Thank you for the feedback.
If she's not going "OMG" slap you on arm, then you're doing something wrong.
This is probably where I need the most work.
Work and social life is completely separate, except for a few DHV snippets of how rewarding it is to work with people. I feel more than adequate at the small talk business. As for dating, my first dates ends at kiss at the least. If they don't, I don't go for a second date.
From your post, I think escalation is where I need the most work. Thanks again for the feedback.
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[–]Endorsed Contributorredpillbanana6 points7 points8 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]idrivetanks[S] 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]birdwontquit1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]idrivetanks[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]birdwontquit2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]idrivetanks[S] 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]birdwontquit1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]idrivetanks[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FindMitch2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]idrivetanks[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link