I've known this one girl since childhood and she knew I liked her I've told her that before. One time she came over and I was messing around with her. I would sit in my computer desk and she would lay on my bed doing all of these stretches and shit, well most of the time when I go to get on my bed with her she would go to my computer desk. I understand what that means so I leave her alone.

Today she didn't do that and I was messing around with her like smacking her butt and grabbing her boobs and take note she wasn't saying anything about it she was laughing and staying on my bed with me. I normally smacked her ass and grabbed her boobs to be honest, I even did it when she had a boyfriend she didn't care.

Eventually she ends up in my chair, I went over there and was grabbing her boobs and she was laughing like she was having a good time, she wasn't moving my hands or getting up from the seat or telling me to stop or go away she was letting me.

She then pointed out that the crotch part of my pajama's wasn't buttoned she said "your pants aren't buttoned" with a smile on her face, I looked down, ignored it and went to pinch her nipples as like a play thing she laughed and moved my hands then I like got on her leg and she said "I can feel your balls on my leg" and she starting laughing really hard. I said "hahaha sorry" and got up and went and laid on my bed.

I had a hard on of course, and we were passing a ball back and forth to each other, she was in my computer chair I was on my bed. She said to me "you get boners easy" I said "I know" and we were just passing this ball back and forth. So here I am thinking "okay she hasn't left my house, she was letting me do all of that and was laughing, we've been having a good time, she has to want me or something."

Way later on she says she has to go this is the time she normally leaves like 5 or 6 o clock. I say okay, now this is apparently where things went sour. I grabbed her and had her fall on top of me. She had a smile on her face as she was laying on my chest. There wasn't any resistance she was just laying there. Then I went and kissed her cheek and neck then she resisted and said let me go and so I did.

As she was walking out of my door I smacked her butt again and before she went out of my front door I grabbed her arms and turned her around, she turned around easily, like I didn't use any force to turn her around. I heard her like fetish thing was having her arms pinned up on a wall so I did that. Before I was going to kiss her she said that someone was near so I let her go, looked, and she went out of the door.

I understood at this point something went wrong, so I texted her. She said "you kissed me." and was talking about how she didn't want that and shit and I was so confused because I thought she liked me and that we were having a good time because she was laughing and everything. I understood that she must of felt bad about that so I texted her to come back over. I was going to give her some cake and tell her I was sorry. But she didn't come back over. I ended our friendship there.

Months and months later of not exchanging a word with her, I messaged her because she was my childhood friend, I apologized again and she came over again. She actually came over twice, and both times I kept my distance respected how she felt and left her alone.

Months and months and months later, I had all of my contacts in Korean on snapchat (I'm learning the language) and I accidentally sent her an inappropriate video that was intended for someone else. She replayed the video, then responded with "..." I was thinking what the hell? and then realized that it was her.

I then told her that I was sorry and that it was intended for someone else. She responded with a picture of her friend. I was saying "don't tell me she saw that shit too" and she replied smiling saying "she did" and I said "I'm done" and she responded saying "you sent it" and it looked like she was blushing. I said "yeah I know" she responded with a picture of her with her tongue out.

She was telling my friends and people about that and what happened at my house all of those months ago. Saying how "uncomfortable" she is and making me seem like a horrible person. My friend even asked her "why didn't you leave?" talking about my house that one day and she said because she didn't want to be rude. What kind of fucking excuse is that? if someone is making you feel bad you leave their damn house.

She then told them that if I "tried" something again she was going to tell her ex boyfriend to do something about it. What the hell? did she not realize that was a mistake? She never intended to talk to me about it directly. So I message her talking about how I already apologized to her about that situation before and asking why would she say all of that shit and she replies with "It's unexplainable how uncomfortable I feel."

So then I ask her why the fuck she didn't leave my house that day if she started feeling uncomfortable & why did she ever come back to my house if I made her feel so uncomfortable. I told her how I respected how she felt and stayed away from her both times she came back over after that day.

When she came back over to my house the 2nd time after that situation I wasn't even going to hug her when she left, she opened her arms to hug me before she left so I hugged her back.

She didn't respond to my question of why she didn't leave my house. She responded to the question of why she came back over again by saying "because I didn't think you would try something again, then you sent me weird videos."

I said "video's? I sent ONE video by ACCIDENT that I told you was a MISTAKE and intended for someone else." She responds with "either way, ew."

I apologized so many times again and told her I deleted her number and took her off of every form of social communication that I had with her, I told her I did not mean to make her feel that way and that I would never step foot near her again or talk to her ever again. She said "Okay." and I didn't respond to that.

I honestly thought we were having a good time. She never told me she was feeling uncomfortable or gave me a serious tone, if she did all of that would have been avoided I wouldn't of done all of that. I was under the impression that she wanted me that day at my house.

Those words "it's unexplainable how uncomfortable I feel" make me feel like some sexual harasser or something and that feeling can eat you alive. She made me feel like such a bad person. I was just trying to make a move on her that day with those kisses. Because at that time I thought in America men have to be the pursuers and we have to make the moves to see if a girl likes us.

I'm not like that anymore though, that situation changed me. I'm not pursuing anymore, now I go by if she likes me she will do the flirting first. If she doesn't oh well, I don't ever want to get into a situation like that ever again.

Was this my fault? Should I feel the way I did about those words?