So it all started a couple years ago. My buddy and I were in the states together for a couple months for work (we lived overseas.) We frequented this restaurant/bar where there was this very cool and attractive waitress. By buddy was smitten with her. He'd drag us over there constantly to see her. He wouldn't say he was doing this to see the waitress, but I new why.

So the last night we are there, we have the waitress and her waitress friends over for drinks and whatnot. Well this waitress, who has not been responding to my beta friend's pathetic sexual advances, totally comes on to me. Hard. I give her the fucking of her life, right there in our apartment with my buddy next door. It was the most scumbag, Alpha, hedonistic thing I've ever done. My buddy does not handle this well, leading to an incredibly awkward 8 hour (!) drive home in the car together. (I should note that we are still friends to this day.) So anyway, I facebook friend this girl and we continue to talk. I fall for this girl, and I fall hard. We continue a long distance correspondence for nearly a year, where I go beta in the worst way. I don't have sex with any other girls. I just keep thinking to myself "If I just keep talking to this girl, keep things light not to scare her away, she'll stick around and maybe we'll end up close enough geographically someday and we can be together." This, needless to say, does not work out well.

So after a year or so of talking, a job opportunity comes up where I can move back to the state near her. I tell her I intend on moving nearby for work, and she ghosts me. Despite my frantic, desperate, and needy attempts to get her to talk about the prospect of a serious relationship together, after a year of talking regularly, she seemingly falls off the face of the earth.

I become a human wreck. I swallow the entire cabinet of blue bills, washing them down swiftly with alcohol and oh so bitter sadness. I move back to the states for work, but don't take the job that would land me near her.

Fast-forward a year to present time. I have been on what has been the most intense journey of personal growth I have ever experienced. I consume seduction knowledge veraciously. I discover the Red Pill. I engage with girls unapologetically, to include taking a Las Vegas vacation with a married woman. I won't claim to be fully Alpha-ized, but I am a new man. I don't even recognize the person I was before.

So a couple weeks ago, as I am walking back to my car from a weekend of backpacking, I turn my phone back on and a facebook message pops up from this woman. She says she wanted to talk and see how I was doing. I can feel my former beta-self clawing its way back to the surface. I decide to call her.

I wasn't sure how I would handle the call, talking to this woman I was in love with (and to be honest with myself, am still not completely over.) I handle it with the grace and skill I think many an Alpha would be proud of. She, I come to learn, is now living by herself near her parents, and has not dated or had sex since that night she had with me. Where before I was desperately trying to convince her to be with me, I come to a stunning realization. I am the prize. I talk to her a couple more times.

At this point, my deeply seeded beta instincts are SCREAMING at me to take one more shot at this woman. So what do I do? I write her a message laying out the way it's going to be. I basically tell her, "Look, come visit me, or be with me, or don't. I like my life, with or without you in it. I wish you were more of a part of it, but I'm not going to keep talking with you if this isn't going anywhere." The truth is, I still do wish something could work out where we are more than glorified pen-pals. But I'm not going to let that wishful thinking affect my life.

Do I want her to come visit me? Hell yea. We have a sexual chemistry that cannot be described in words. Just hearing her voice makes my balls tingle like a wind chime in a hurricane. Will I survive if she doesn't? Hell yea. I am a new man, and I have her to thank for setting me off on the journey to get me to where I'm at today.

So what's the moral of the story here? (Pardon me as I get a bit Zen here.) The moral is that we are not our thoughts, or our actions, or the people we choose to be with. We just are. We decide who the person we want to be is. No one is 100% Red Pilled-Alpha. Even Trump in his deepest and darkest thoughts second guesses himself. But we know who we strive to be. We fight tooth and nail to be that person. It's not our actions that make us the Alpha we wish to be, it's the choices and efforts we make to be that person that makes us Alpha. It's the moments where we don't think we can push any further, where our inner-beta monologue is chattering incessantly in the background, that we choose to press on anyway. That is what makes an Alpha.

Press on brothers.