Here's where they come from

OddPhilosopher1 · 2019-11-11T10:35:56+00:00

Self-aware comment of the day (too little too late though, honey):

I think we all on here screwed up big time. I too broke up with really great guy. He was so thoughtful, supportive and funny. I loved hanging out together. Our sex life was great, he was so attentive. Deep down though, I felt there was that something “missing” (I loved him but wasn’t in love with him?). I felt tortured and finally worked up the courage to break it off. I felt so guilty after, wondering if I made the biggest mistake of my life. But I knew it was the right thing to do. He ended up finding someone else not long after, which gave me a sense of relief and in a way affirmed what I did was best for the both of us.

Long story short, I met a new guy (the sparks were amazing!!) but when they finally faded after over a year together. We both realized how complety incompatible we are for the long haul. He was on the selfish side and also emotionally abusive at times. He ended up dumping me. Maybe I just need to step back from it all. I have been ruminating that if our gut feelings and intuition are so amazing and true, there would be much fewer divorces and breakups in the world, right? I don’t know what to trust anymore. I’m really numb at this point. My mind wanders back to that first guy I let slip away and where we would be today if I ignored my gut.

"I wonder where we'd be today if I wasn't a hypergamous heartless slut and was able to ignore my temporary tingles for a dark-triad guy."

BertTheWelder · 2019-11-11T14:48:39+00:00

Every one of us who has been in a relationship has had a temptation to cheat. Those of us who haven’t cheated decided that we would let our minds make decisions, not our dicks.

Imagine being so stupid that you make life-changing decisions just because you’re horny.

I think blogs and articles like this are a form of self-validation for the women who write them. They weren’t able to maintain a healthy relationship, so they try and persuade other women to make the same bad choices. If enough other women make those same bad choices, then the choices become normalized and the author doesn’t have to wonder if she did something wrong.

jstrockmeyer · 2019-11-11T11:32:17+00:00

Can you imagine being this shitty?

I am starting to pity them, although I would never take the consequences away, make your bed, now lie on it.

TheSecondComing97 · 2019-11-11T13:23:44+00:00

WTF?! I always go on and make fun of the whole “nice guy” thing because maybe you ain’t that nice. But this basically proves that sometimes that is legit the case.

Your only sin is being nice.

thenotoriousdougie · 2019-11-11T11:54:15+00:00

This is why you should never feel sorry for them. NEVER. Every woman in a homeless shelter, sleeping on a park bench or under a bridge was born with a winning lottery ticket and did something to fuck it up. Either they rode the CC until they aged out or had a good thing going and fucked it up because they got the “tingles”. See one on the street starving, sitting in a parking lot with a flat, on the side of the road with smoke coming from under the hood or in a shelter after having had the shit beaten out of them, just keep moving. Don’t feel sorry for them. Whatever happened to them, I guarantee you they earned it.

CuntMonteCristo · 2019-11-11T17:35:10+00:00

Dudes check this out from the "Coach's" website. "Irrational Decision Making" I think I saw that once with the ladies :-)

The more I tried to establish boundaries, the more his behavior worsened:

He acted like the victim of my “irrational” aggression and decision-making
He taunted, poked and prodded me so that I would lose my cool (which I always did)
After any hysterical outburst, he posed as my rescuer, subtly implying that I could not survive without him nor would anyone else deal with my hysteria
He questioned my mental state and used bipolar disorder as a potential amateur diagnosis

Aldabruzzo · 2019-11-12T18:24:50+00:00

The comments are the best part?

Know why? Translate them all:

I was in a relationship with a great guy, did everything for me. But he was a pussy and wouldn't stand up for himself. He let me push him around. I'd be a bitch to him and HE would end up apologizing to ME. Pathetic little bitchboy.

I just wasn't feeling the tingles. I felt too safe. It was too perfect. It was too comfortable. I missed that feeling of being on the edge, of being kept on my toes. I missed that feeling of being "out of control" that Harley McBadboy and Chad and Tyrone gave me. I loved the feeling of risk, the appearance of danger, the exhilaration of throwing caution to the wind while Harley and Chad and Tyrone took full control of me. And Mr. Nice Guy? Well, he just couldn't do that for me.

What I need is... everything. I need a guy to pay the bills, and another guy to piledrive me into the Serta. I need one guy to be my friend, and another guy to fuck me right and treat me like shit. I need one guy to be nice to me, and another guy to order me around and tell me what to do and how to be. That's what I need. And I can't seem to find that in just one guy!

Thetrvler · 2019-12-04T08:02:44+00:00

This is what happens when women are allowed too much independence. They end up zombie-like creatures looking for the next “high” of being madly in love. Love is a drug to them. Let these defective women go to wallow in their inevitable sad ending of either dying alone with cats or settling for a beta who they’ll resent but know they can’t do better than.

Aldabruzzo · 2019-11-12T18:00:58+00:00

From Lindsey Ellison's "About" page:

In 2010, after 10 years of marriage, and 17 years of being together, I made the frightening decision to separate from my husband. I was 35 years old with two little boys, who were, at the time, four and seven years old. I didn’t know why I had to leave the marriage; I just knew I had to. Throughout our years together, and even from the earliest months of our courtship, I knew something was off, but I could never quite pinpoint it.

On the surface, my husband was doting, nurturing, and attentive, but his love always came with conditions. In return for his affection, I was to behave as he wanted me to, never question his decisions, and subscribe to his belief system. Should I step outside those silent rules and have a boundary, I would pay for it dearly. Yet his “punishment” was always so subtle, covert, and manipulative, that I never recognized it as punishment, much less emotional abuse.

He was an expert at stonewalling, gaslighting, and using passive aggression to make his point; so accomplished at this that I always ended up apologizing, not really understanding what I was apologizing for. After an argument, I was often dazed and confused. But apologizing, I discovered, would restore his equanimity, thus granting me temporary peace. Our relationship existed on a fragile foundation, and I silently endured being married to a man who was “perfect” to the outside world but an emotional time bomb behind closed doors.

By the time I was 30 years old, I had begun to question his behavior. It took me five long years with a therapist to understand that his behavior would never change and to find the strength and courage to leave the marriage. Aside from childbirth, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. After telling him I wanted a divorce, I was sucked into his maddening vortex of negotiation, apologies, false promises, sadness, heartbreak, bullying, and threats, sometimes all in one day, sometimes all in one hour.

I did everything I shouldn’t have done. I engaged, tried to reason with him or change his mind, cried with him, apologized, responded to his threats in sheer rage, changed my mind to make him feel better, only to change my mind again after he bullied me. The more I tried to establish boundaries, the more his behavior worsened:

He acted like the victim of my “irrational” aggression and decision-making

He taunted, poked and prodded me so that I would lose my cool (which I always did)

After any hysterical outburst, he posed as my rescuer, subtly implying that I could not survive without him nor would anyone else deal with my hysteria

He questioned my mental state and used bipolar disorder as a potential amateur diagnosis

I had no idea how to fight back other than to plan an escape route and break free from him. I moved out of the marital home and rented a place of my own. When the news of our separation broke to my family and social circle, people were shocked, even devastated. When they’d ask me the reason for my “sudden” escape, I couldn’t give a solid answer. Without a logical testimony on my part, and his explanation that he was “abandoned” for “no reason,” I was shunned by nearly our entire circle of friends.

But my battle was far from over. Our divorce took over two years, and I ended up giving in to many of his requests out of sheer exhaustion. I walked away with zero assets, lost any rights to my marital home, went without child support for two years leaving me nearly broke, and agreed to abandon my rights to his pension and part of his 401K, which were legally owed to me. To this day, I bear the financial setbacks from that crappy deal, but I consider myself lucky. I have talked with too many people who’ve endured far worse outcomes.

As I slowly emerged out of my hell and put more time and space between my husband and me, I began to realize how dysfunctional our marriage truly was. Grief, for the loss of a life I always wanted, turned to anger. I began to investigate the pathology of our breakdown. It wasn’t until a year into my separation that I fell in love with someone new, only to be betrayed and quickly discarded. Heartbroken and depressed, I hit rock bottom that I didn’t think was possible. Back in therapy, but this time with a new therapist, I learned of the term “narcissist.”

Translation:

My divorce was all, 100%, my husband's fault. I did not do anything to cause it. None of it is my fault. I didn't do anything to this evil man other than try to love him. But he wouldn't accept it. He abused me, used me, injured me, drove me crazy, and was himself mentally ill.

I am not one bit responsible for the creation, destruction, and demise of my marriage. I am not one bit responsible for selecting this man. It's not my fault. He changed. I didn't change. He did everything bad, I did everything good."

Aldabruzzo · 2019-11-12T18:16:24+00:00

Right.

Because having fun together, being a good father, OK sex, being a good companion and "friend", is "abusive".

From the article:

We found common ground, friendship, and chemistry because we were both in the exact same place in our lives. Metaphorically speaking, he was like a mirror showing me who I was at that time.

And that really freaked me out.

I knew I deserved better. I knew I was better.

Truthfully, I was stuck and I didn’t want to be stuck with someone else who was stuck – even though he was a really nice guy, a safe one, and someone who wouldn’t cheat or be mean to me.

So ending it was really hard. I tried to get him to end it, and he never would. It was like giving up a good chocolate sundae on a hot summer day.

But the more I stuck it out, the more it made me feel really yucky. I started to resent him because he reflected a person who I didn’t want to be. I didn’t get divorced and put my children through stress just so I can settle – all of that would have gone in vain.

Don’t let all your accomplishments, your success, your children and your dreams go in vain just to be with someone just because he’s nice.

When you give energy to a bad relationship, it only prevents something new to come to you. You’re saying to the Universe, “I’m too busy for someone awesome, so please hold off on sending anyone.”

So when I finally dumped the guy, it felt weird for a while. I missed him and we came close to reuniting on many occasions. But I didn’t want to be with someone who was simply nice – I wanted something more, I wanted to be fulfilled yet challenged by him.

Translation:

The man was a good man. But he was kind of boring, sexually unexciting, and unattractive. He was just kind of 'meh'. Not much at all. And he couldn't support me so I could quit my job. I had to get rid of him.

I turned into a bitch so he would break up with me. I didn't want to do the breaking up because I don't want to be the bad guy. I needed him to be the villain but I couldn't get him to do it. Why, oh why, does he have to be so goddamn NICE?? I wanted HIM to be the asshole! (Hell, if he had been an asshole and dumped me, I probably would have been more attracted to him and worked to get him back!) But, oh no, he couldn't even man up enough to put me in my place and tell me to fuck off. He couldn't man up enough even to stand up for himself. So, of course, I had to do it, just like i have to do EVERYTHING.

I resented him being such a pussy. It's not that I don't want to be that; it's that I didn't want to be with a man like that. I didn't want the best I could get to be a pussybitch. So, I pulled the trigger and broke up with him.

What I'm telling you is that I broke up with him because HE WAS AND IS A PUSSY. I don't want to date or be married to a pussy. When I say I want a man who is "fulfilling but challenges me", I mean I want a man who tingles me, fucks me good, tells me how it's going to be, takes me where I want to go, and doesn't put up with my bullshit. And Mr. Nice Guy just could not do that.

*

imakegreatmeat · 2020-01-27T03:53:45+00:00

Yo, I realize I'm 2 months or so behind, but that article and the comment section are an absolute dumpster fire.

Title	Here's where they come from
Author	DangZagnut
Upvotes	56
Comments	30
Date	November 11, 2019 10:20 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/WhereAllTheGoodMenAre
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/WhereAllTheGoodMenAre/comments/duqj5k/heres_where_they_come_from/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/WhereAllTheGoodMenAre/heres-where-they-come-from.343427 https://theredarchive.com/post/343427

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