Hello!

I apologize for the length of this post and if it breaks the rules because it is about my brother and not me. I'd love for you to tell me how I can be a HVM myself who can push/encourage other men to be HVM.

I'm a 32 y/o male and have been reading FDS for a while and have found it very insightful and clear. I think society, women, and men would all benefit immeasurably if the world moved in the direction of men being HVM and women being HVW. I'm not a particularly HVM myself (loser, aspie shut-in most of my life who didn't have a date till he was 26). I disconnected from my family members (parents/siblings) socially several years ago and have not been there for them the way I should have been, which is a factor precipitating what's below.

My brother -- let's call him Phil -- reached a point in the last couple of years where he felt hurt in relationships and decided he didn't want to commit anymore. Rather than have a celibate phase to heal, though, he says that he just has "different ideas about romance" and wants his relationships from now on to be situationships, where the trappings of a relationship abound, no labels are allowed, no expectations/pressures are allowed, and he is primed to leave at any moment.

Before that he had been in a long, meandering relationship that seemed forever stalled. Let's call his girlfriend at that time Mandy. Mandy and Phil saw each other once or twice a week for several years. But his heart was shattered when it ended.

After that relationship ended, he began a rebound situationship with a woman whom he wouldn't refer to by name for longest time, referring to her instead with the town she's from -- town-x-girl. Let's call her Samantha. For over six months Phil was having regular sex with Samantha and the went on regular date-like events, all the while telling her that he's not interested in "going" anywhere in a relationship with her.

Samantha, hoping that he would pick her, acted like she was cool with that, whilst having regular panic attacks and meltdowns that my brother mostly dismissed as not his problem. Then one day he grew tired of her and left and she sunk into a days-in-bed, feelings-of-worthlessness depression. He takes no responsibility for the effect he had on her.

Then his ex Mandy started shacking up with him again on the regular and he jumped at the opportunity. The same old problems resurfaced, he broke it off with her, and he went right back to using Samantha for no-strings-attached companionship.

My question: have you all seen any successes in men changing over time towards being HVM after they have been emotionally neglectful to women and subjected women to situationships? Is there any particular route you would recommend in influencing him to stop treating Samantha this way and stop treating women in general this way? How should I behave in the future to prevent men I know from devolving to such treatment of women.

What I'd really like to do deep down is tell my brother he's being a disgusting piece of shit and find Samantha and tell her she's trading her dignity and ability to have functioning relationships for a bit of time with someone who doesn't care about her (if he cared about her he wouldn't be using her). I don't expect a blunt approach would change anything except to sour relations with my brother further.

tl;dr: My brother's consciously choosing to have only situationships now and it's torture for the woman he sleeps with. How should I react and how might I have prevented this?