First I want to thank this sub for helping realize my self-worth as a person. I am in a dilemma and am in desperate need of advice. TLDR at the bottom. Sorry for any formatting issues as I’m on mobile. Throwaway for various reasons

I (29F) have been in a relationship with my now husband (31M) for 5 years. Early on in our relationship (within the first year) all seemed great but my gut was telling me something was off. I was so infatuated with this person that I chose to ignore my feelings that something was off. One day I was over at his house and he was taking a shower. His laptop was left open. I looked thru his social media and found multiple messages to different women (who were NOT family or friends), where he explicitly asked to meet up with them to “smoke weed” among other things. I also noticed (since we had added each other on social media at the time) that the majority of people he was adding were women, which didn’t sit right with me. I own up to the fact that looking through his profile was a complete invasion of privacy. When I brought this up to him, he stated that “his friend hacked his account and was the one messaging them.” That same day, a girl showed up to his house and from my observation, she was not expecting me to be there, became frantic, crying and stating that he had given her 3 stds and he played both of us. I became upset, grabbed my belongings, left and got a call from him 10 minutes later saying he was on his way to my house to clear things up. He wrote it off as a “crazy ex.” I then receive a message from this said girl on social media stating that he would invite her over to have sex since he wasn’t getting sex from me (which is true because I didn’t put out for several months into meeting him, I was not ready for that) and because he claimed they “had sexual chemistry”. There were a lot more things in that message, sadly too many to mention here. I told him I had received a message from her, he did not want to hear what was in that message and once again wrote her off as a “crazy ex”. There’s so many more red flags that came up after that, and I feel that my lack of understanding of relationships (have never actually had a serious relationship before this sadly) resulted in being taken advantage of. Now I’m in a position where I want a divorce because he has not owned up to things he did. I’ve clearly explained what I needed him to do (cease contact with exes—as far as I know he doesn’t have kids with any of them) but I’ve been met with excuses as to why he kept contacting them. I realize now that I did not give myself any self-respect and chose to marry him any way. My self esteem and self love was so low that I was willing to allow any kind of love knowing that it wasn’t healthy. When i brought up divorce, he quickly asked me if I was cheating, said that he was in a bad situation in life (recent job loss, mother getting deported), and was basically alternating between crying, yelling at me, and making question if that’s what I really wanted. I’m feeling guilty, confused, invalidated, alone and misunderstood.

I apologize for such a long post. If I listed all the other red flags, this post would be never ending. I don’t know where else to turn.

TLDR: I married a guy knowing he cheated and has kept in contact with exes, but has yet to admit or own up to it. Too many more red flags aside from that to mention. I want a divorce and was met with subtle accusations of cheating. I don’t know what to do anymore.