Partnering after years building self-worth

FluffandRainclouds · 2021-01-20T00:02:41+00:00

This is a good question, and I'm not sure I will be able to do it justice with an answer.

However, I do have some thoughts. By following FDS and leveling up, you are actively unlearning societal messages and learning a new way to exist. Most of us grew up with Disney fairytales, pickme family/friends, and romantic comedies with an "uptight" female lead who "lets her guard down for Mr. Right." Never mind how the men in rom coms are often negging jerks.

In previous generations, women were often taught that if they showed Pickme behavior (e.g. catering to men, being submissive, sacrificing careers), the men would "hold their end of the bargain." The men were expected to provide financially, lead the family with an assertive attitude, and have a strong moral compass ensuring emotional/physical protection if the wife/family was threatened. The system was flawed, as opportunities were stolen from women and other aspects of sexism were strong. Today, many if not most men are not holding up their end of the bargain. Women have more liberties in a sense, but we are more sexualized and exploited than ever in other ways. Expectations of us have piled high ("work full-time in a high powered career while having kids while pleasing your husband while looking flawless while being a domestic goddess!") and for some reason many men have stopped trying.

With all of the above context, I suggest you err on the more cautious side as you vet and build emotional intimacy with men. Your initial impulses might not be as ruthless as you think, especially if you had a pickme past. There is nothing wrong with facing those impulses, but you absolutely must follow your gut and FDS principles above all else. Put FOMO aside. Your wellbeing comes first and is non-negotiable. If a man is worth it, he will show it with his actions, words, and your emotional/physiological response to him. I'm referring to the book Gift of Fear-- trust your gut!

I hope that makes sense! *Edited for typos and clarification.

Title	Partnering after years building self-worth
Author	mel0kalani89
Upvotes	24
Comments	2
Date	January 18, 2021 9:37 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/l04gr2/partnering_after_years_building_selfworth/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/partnering-after-years-building-self-worth.1059739 https://theredarchive.com/post/1059739

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