I’m in an LTR of 10 months where marriage is top of mind for my girlfriend. She’s 32 and has a loose timeline to get married in 1-2 years and have kids in 2-3 years. Until recently, I saw myself marrying her but now I’m not sure as she’s suddenly begun to show her true colors. I was prepared for this, but man some of these differences are hard to accept.

Given the timeline, we’ve been having a bunch of discussions on how we’d raise our potential kids, what kinds of homes we like, the style of decor we like, where to live, whether I’ll accept her staying fat after pregnancy. And there have been a lot of differences in opinion, which give rise to very existential arguments.

I’ll preface this by saying my gf goes out of her way to make sure I’m happy. She does what I want in bed. She looks up bars, breweries, restaurants I’d like whenever we travel. She’s a great gf. She gets my dark sense of humor. She is way more invested in the relationship than I am. But lately, since we’ve been having these arguments about our future, I question our compatibility and sense that I’ve lost my frame and that she has lost some attraction for me.

It’s worth noting that I’m not the best boyfriend. I have commitment issues and am emotionally closed off. Both of these things I’m working on after having read Way of the Superior Man.

On to the differences…

She wants to raise her kids without forcing a gender on them. So if we had a girl then she would be okay if the girl started dressing like a boy or playing with action figured and wouldn’t do anything about it. I, on the other hand, would try to steer my daughter to be more feminine. But if I see that she’s just not happy then I would let her be whatever she wants. The difference between me and my gf is that she would not try to steer them. I would.

My tastes and her tastes in terms of home design and decor are different. So she mentioned if I would ever get to a point where I’d would agree to buy a home solely because my wife likes it. She quoted “it’s what my dad did for my mom. And you know happy wife. Happy life.” And I said “But the husband should also be happy with the house. And yes there will be things that’ll I let you have where I don’t have much of an opinion.” To which she sarcastically responded “…let her have” as if she did not accept my authority in the moment.

It became clear to me that she wants to make major decisions and act as the man in the relationship. Again, this never came across to me during the first 10 months; she recently started acting like this. She was extremely submissive and just recently started asserting herself.

And now the big one…

I’ve always made it known to her that i care a lot about maintaining physical appearance. So she brings up pregnancy and how it’s simply not okay for a man to be upset about a fat wife post pregnancy…regardless of if it’s been 6 weeks or 1 year post pregnancy. I said if it was 1 year after and you weren’t doing anything about your weight and you don’t have condition holding you back, I would 100% say something. She was not happy about my view. “It’s not your place to tell a woman who had your baby what to do with her body”

Now on top of these differences, there’s also differences in hobbies/interests. I like the outdoors, movies, music, & adrenaline pumping activities. She has a fear of water and heights so she won’t join me for anything of the sort. But she does join me on hikes and to concerts just to spend time with me. It’s just not something she wants to do often. She recently picked up golfing and I’ve taken her golfing but she still feels as if I don’t care to do anything for her. She doesn’t have many hobbies or interests so how am I supposed to do things for her. It’s these sort of logical inconsistencies that make me think she just doesn’t feel loved and she’s acting out.

My question is are we just incompatible? Or is it just that I have not shown her enough affection for her to allow herself to completely submit to me?

Should I end this or keep it going?