In an LTR for 5 years. Just moved in. Signed a year lease. Things are as great as they can be.

But I'm a complete sociopath when it comes to women so I've Been fucking a side girl (coworker yes I know don't shit where I eat. Well too late) for 6 months now.

Totally willing to accept all responsibility of my actions. If LTR finds out and leaves. Then she leaves. I need side pussy. But want a family. Anyway.

Problem. I love having sex with side girl. Starting to actually develop feelings for side girl. But I don't trust her. Idk if I'm just making shit up in my head but she has too many orbiters and although she will reject their advances. It more then I want to deal with or have to worry about. She claims if she was with me it would be only me and it is only me right now. But words are words. But like I said I'm starting to develop feelings. Hard feelings and I usually distance myself from all that shit. She's causing a beta side of me to come out that I didn't even know existed. Wanting to tell her I miss her and shit all the time. It's freaking me out honestly

Other problem. Everything is still fine with me and my LTR. Only issue and this may sound very weird. Her pussy is very tight. I've been fucking it for 5 years and I don't last very long due to it being so tight. It causes some type of insecurity in me. So sex isn't as fun as it should be bc she loves to be pounded and once I start I'm done before I start.

Side girl has a wide pussy and I can fuck for a long time. She is way more submissive and is drama free for me at the moment. She wants commitment and knows my situation with the LTR but doesn't care as long as I still treat her like she's mine she's happy (don't mention LTR when with her). She's as cool as she can be about it. And fucks me or meets me or whatever I want. Exactly when I say.

All this makes me want to be around side girl more.

My thoughts. I signed a year lease with LTR. So I'm kind of stuck for a year. I don't want I break up with her. Because she's very good LTR but I also don't want to stop fucking side girl. Idk if I could date side girl unless I lay down some firm boundaries.

So my questions is 2 parts.

  1. what are my options here. I'm not asking what to do. I'm asking for some man advice on the situation. Maybe a perspective I'm not seeing. Or your thoughts in general.

  2. If I'm found out I plan to deny until I can't and then own my shit and come clean if I get cornered in a lie.

If this happens my LTR will ask why did I lie. How do I respond?

Also I have been caught in the past with other women. She knows I get tons of women and like it's said on here she's not quite there. But she seems to get angry but then look the other way. I guess as most women would, She doesn't look the other way completely without giving me tons of shit. But I usually say. Okay I did it now what do you want to do about it. Take some time and let me know. And she usually just gets over it.

But she always wants to know why I lied first about it. And do I know how bad that hurts her.

Now on here it says "she doesn't want to know" so that's why I lied but I can't tell her that. So why do I say I lied?