Hi I’m new, plan on making my first OYS post tomorrow but wanted to post something that I’ve been sitting on. I am a sexual sinner, I am not pure, it is my firm belief that Christ’s death on the cross for me paid for the sins of my life even the ones that exist in the future or only exist in my heart and mind. I am repentant, I genuinely know that I do not deserve any blessings from God, it hurts me knowing how far from his perfection I am. I am humbled by his mercy and desire to walk with him always, and trust that because he loves me and I love him more than anything on Earth (far and away), he will never abandon me when I slip and fall and feel irredeemable (a lie from Satan I believed for far too long). That being said, I feel that part of my mission on Earth is to do my part to expand the Kingdom of Heaven here on Earth and part of that to me feels like getting married and raising children. This is important for me because up until recently I never wanted a family (mine fell apart early on because of a weak father). I have recently felt that I had to experience the pains I did growing up with an antagonistic father so that way I could become the man I needed to be (not even close yet) for my future wife and children (also nowhere close). My feeling is that the woman I am meant to be with is like me; broken and sinful in many ways, perhaps even a non-believer. I say this because it feels like part of my mission to be with someone who like me is broken and wounded but desires to repent and serve God by working together to heal our pasts in part by being the parent’s we ourselves needed growing up. I say all of this essentially because I do not feel the need of a pure wife sexually, in fact I feel strongly that my future spouse may be a non-believer right now and therefore might be living in willful sin. I don’t desire (anymore) a life of “casual” sexual sin but I feel right now stuck between “I don’t want to willfully sin, I am repentant” and “My future partner might be living in willful sin, I am human and know that I’m going to sin again whether I like it or not, I believe Jesus Christ died for ALL our sins, he knows my heart and knows that my desires are not to live in sin but to raise a family for him out of a broken world filled with broken people, therefore I shouldn’t be afraid of sexual impurity in both myself or any potential wives because atoning for and repenting of those sins look like to me leading a wife and our children in Christ, in a fallen world.” I know that is a mouthful and likely just a ramble but any thoughts or scriptures appreciated before I start to really dive into the content on here.

TLDR; I feel like the woman I am meant to honor God by starting a family with not only has sexual sin like me, but may even be a non-believer right now. Therefore I feel very open to whom I am attracted too, but am hesitant to be attracted to anyone because I’ll be tempted to willfully sin (and knowing me, my record of resisting temptation is improving, but far from good). It’s tough because I really feel right now that my mission involves starting a Christ loving family with a spouse who shares a common vision of “we atone for our sins as individuals by working together to create our own family that honors Christ.”