Hey

Long story short, I met a girl of Tinder like two months ago. We've had three dates. During our third date we "watched a movie" at my place. Managed to get to partially undressed state but encountered LMR and failed, I think you could say. I just turned down a fourth date, scheduled at my place during day time.

The girl in question is, in my best judgment, a HB 4/5. Probably normal BMI, leaning towards overweight maybe (possibly even overweight, but not by much I would guess). Like you wouldn't say she's slender/slim at first glance but definitely not a whale. Face is not pretty - end of story. So in conclusion, not good body or face. Maybe I'm hamstering too much but realistically I don't think she's above a 5 any day of the year, so effectively 4-5 I suppose.

ME:

Personally, I would say I'm a 6-7 (on a rare occasion maybe 8 look-wise if I'm someones niche, but generally at least a 6). I'm 6'1, I lift, do martial arts, 18 % BF (working on it), pursuing a good degree and I dress well above average (think sort of preppy but less New England fetisch and more apt for local conditions). HOWEVER 2,5 to 3 years ago I was a fat ass. Lost 20-25 kgs like 1,5-2 years ago. Been lifting seriously for almost a year. Some great gains have been made, especially in the strength department, which I'm proud of. Normal social life, so no aspergers or whatever. I wouldn't say I have confidence issues either. Have a look at: https://www.reddit.com/user/operationragnarok/ and my posts for more details.

Anyhow, we were to meet at my place again later this week. As the day came closer I started having second thoughts however. Second thoughts as in "Do I even find her fucking attractive?". Having read segments of Greene's "48 laws of power", I decided to try to make more of an objective assessment of what to do by looking at the pros and cons.

Pros +:

  • Sex was probably on the table. She was insecure last time but I think it might have been feasible to happen this time. Thus, I would have no longer been a virgin.

  • Boner test was SORT OF passed. I.e. when we were intimate, of course I was hard. Yet, when I think about her now = no pass what so ever. During the third date I described above we got to around third base, for lack of a better word. I remember feeling intense shame and disgust afterwards. Like, "Did I really have to fucking do that?", "Am I that desperate?" & "Would insert one of my strong, male role models have done that, no way!"

  • I can't expect a second chance. In other words I make a decision now and stand by it.

  • Making excuses, cowardice et cetera is disdainful and nothing I should partake in. What I mean to say is that I sometimes revert back to self pity and making excuses, which needs to be countered.

Cons

  • Not hot or cute girl (see above).

  • Possible shame, similar to last time.

  • Falling for scarcity mentality. There are a lot of pretty girls out there accessible through hard work and grit and I'm somewhat above average looking. Easier to just stick it in a wet hole immediately in front of me though.

  • "Chad" would not have done her. I'm not Chad by any means but I can't be going for scraps If I want to elevate my station.

  • I should be genuinly excited to have a girl coming over and the prospect of sex, I really wasn't. Maybe it's just my nerves playing some sort of trick on me?

  • Time. I won't BS you, I could have made time, but it felt like a bit of a waste. I have plenty of exam prep to do at the moment.

Conclusion: I wanna learn from what might be a possible mistake in order for me to profit from this experience in the future.

TL DR; I (a 6-7 21 year old virgin in college, but not living on campus) canceled a movie date at my place with a HB 4/5 where sex could possibly have happened. Reason: not attracted enough, she wasn't hot or even cute.

Please drop any and all feedback. Felt like I had to vent a bit as this was fucking with my head. Now I really have to study.