I've been around for a minute, usually find myself back here after some personal failure that spirals out of control into a substance abuse episode. It's usually an event that makes all of the work, and progress I've made seem pointless, and the substance abuse is with the vague dumb hope that this time I'll die in my sleep, but that hasn't happened yet.

Later after sleeping it off and lots of guilt and shame, I'll get back on track for a few months, feeding off the revenge fumes from said failure and using it as fuel. I'll ghost, go to the gym, work hard, and pour myself into my craft. The self-improvement is out of resentment, and the inner value I gain never sticks. I've been in therapy, gone to AA, been sober for long stretches.

I have failed to accept that I have a terminal disease that I can choose to put in remission, but I have to miss out on lots of opportunities, and people think differently of you knowing you have those problems.

And most importantly, I have failed to recognize I have inherent self-worth beyond my talent, successes, finances, and my relationships. I cannot validate myself if the world doesn't.

Anyone here that's overcome this with some wisdom to impart?