I wanted to get everyone's take on a fundamental underlying issue with my game/behavior that I've become painfully aware of since being in my first redpill aware relationship of 1 year. It's essentially the same behavior but broken down into two parts. I've found I feel the need to constantly DEER to my LTR and even to myself mentally when deciding to follow through with an action/behavior.

For example, if I determine in a given situation withdrawing attention could be beneficial, I will DEER to myself that because we recently had a argument or disagreement she'll know that I'm doing this action consciously/out of spite (even though I will give no such indication) and not follow through. Another example, I'll DEER to myself that if I do this to her, she'll do it back to me. And finally, I especially DEER to her. If I find myself not wanting to spend time together on any given day of the week, I feel the need to come up with very specific reasons instead of just stating "not tonight" to her. Where is this behavior coming from? How can I fix this? I'd greatly appreciate everyone's advice.