So, I've been looking into TRP for a few months, and I've read the sidebar and have been trying to maintain frame around my gf but we're having some problems.
Background info: I'm 21, she's 19. We've been together nearly 5 years, since I was 16 and she was 14. I know I should never trust a woman fully because the can be backstabbing and malicious even when in a long term relationship, but I genuinely love my girlfriend and trust her, and could see a future with her. Also, it's tough moving on from someone you've known since childhood and made lifelong plans and have so many memories with.
The situation : Basically my girl has added two guys on her fb account, and I noticed obviously. She added then maybe two months apart. The first guy, I questioned her and lost frame and was yelling and getting extremely mad over a phone call and she basically told me he was just in her lab group last semester and that he was a friend and nothing more, then got overwhelmed and said we should break up. I ended up going to her house the next day and talking to Her and apologizing for yelling and I didn't even care if this guy was on her friends list. I told her I shouldn't be controlling and telling her to delete people and that I trusted her and she could do whatever she wanted and I didn't care.
Basically, she did it again a month later with some other guy and claims the same situation, she was in a group assignment (I can actually believe her when she tells me this) but I calmly asked her who. It was and she got all defensive and shit asking how I knew aboit her adding him and was asking if I was logged in her fb account (I wasn't). I just said fuck it and moved on.
This has been eating away at me. It's not even the fact that I think she's cheating on me or anything. It's the fact that I've asked her multiple times to delete these guys who mean nothing to her and she won't do it. She's just so fucking stubborn.
I finally just said fuck it and Told her straight up to delete them yesterday and she didn't reply at all. She just questioned me like, "do you not trust me?" and "why are you doing this?" I responded with just "delete them off your friends list and let me know when you do it, take as long as you need". She hasn't replied for 24 hours and I broke frame and texted her.
Still no progress on my side. She's acting like an entitled, stubborn bitch. I love her to death but she just tries to act in control and it's killing me. I can't stand when a woman tries to defy me like that. It drives me crazy. What do I do? This is the biggest issue that's driving me crazy, but she'll do other things like always say no when I tell her to do something. Like, "scoot closer to me" or ill try to hug her and she'll push me away, or sometimes when initiating sex she'll just say no and get super emotional and act all awkward.
Idk what to do, im thinking I've lost her and she's too far gone to repair. Its a shame that I care about her so much though.
[–]Retspihi 4 points5 points6 points (11 children) | Copy Link
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What makes you think that I'm not going to follow? I'm only asking these random questions because it's a lot harder to swallow TRP when you've been in a relationship for 5 years.
It would be a lot easier to apply TRP idealogy with a new girl, but I'm trying to fix a broken one. I think it may be hard for someone who isn't in a situation like mine to Understand fully. It's always easier in theory.
[–]Retspihi1 point [recovered] | Copy Link
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This was the basis for my reasoning. I don't add random bitches in my classes on Facebook so why is she?? This has been my main point.
[–]Retspihi 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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I can understand that, so what should I do at this point. We're both hard headed in an argument that's going nowhere. She won't give in and I won't give in. I can easily escalate this into a breakup but I don't want that to happen. What should I say to her? Should I be the one to just be like fuck it and move on, or should I persist and just force her to delete them or escalate this into a breakup or major fight.
I've made this a big deal plenty of times before and she won't budge. It makes me feel like a pussy, but I'm trying to be dominant by telling her she Has to delete them and not giving her another option.
[–]askmrcia0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
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That was my mindset in the past but it always makes me feel like she won the situation, and that she's trying to be dominant and I can't stand it, and I always pussy out and get mad and bring it Up again.
Are you suggesting that I completely not give a fuck about them being on there? I don't want to keep going in circles, I just need solid advice to gain back respect and attraction.
[–]askmrcia0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
If I take it to the extreme of seeing other girls that's basically cheating though.. And that would create another problem. I want to stay with my ltr. But I CANNOT go on like this. I don't want to hurt her with Infedelity, but I want to gain power back. Any more subtle options?
By the looks of it I'm fucked. And I'll just need to stop being a pussy and finish it. Fuck first loves.
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