I've been improving my SMV a lot lately with better hair grooming, lifting, more out there styles (jeans instead of sweatpants, belt and more stylish with colours and a bit preppy/experimental) and also walking with purpose, looking up and staying confident. But this happens and then I get insecure af and question myself. This may be from past experiences which lead to this mindset but mindfulness isn't helping lately.

(1) Walking in a hallway and someone looks at you and you know the whole "don't move eye contact until they move theirs"? Well some people also have this, so then you're staring at each other for 15 seconds waiting for the other person to move eye contact, so then I always end up being the first to look away because I'm worried they feel like I'm trying to stunt on them. Or I feel like the people feel like I'm trying to intimidate them when I'm not.

(2) When I'm walking or sitting alone and I hear laughing I always think that they're laughing about me, even though I have nothing to prove that. It's like I feel like I'm being judged for being me. Or sometimes when I'm walking out of an elevator and a group of girls are together, they look at me and laugh/giggle and then I question myself even though I was doing my own thing like a second before (I question if I walk awkwardly or if I'm being laughed at for putting in effort).

(3) I don't feel like pretending sometimes, and then by choosing to act like that, I feel like I'm making myself too vulnerable. For example, something is loading on my phone REALLY slowly so I'm staring at it for 20 seconds waiting for it to load up. Just imagine a person staring at their phone and not moving at all and paused like a statue (no finger movement and just staring at a blank screen). It doesn't sound bad in text but in person it gives off creepy vibes of wtf is this person doing.