Approaching Approach

throwaway-aa2 · 2015-04-14T04:58:21+00:00

Approach 10-20 women each day for a full week and see if you still have AA. Repetition kills all fears.

And this is what will happen (and it happened for me). You go out and approach, and you have that anxiety. But all of a sudden... SOMEONE enjoys your company. SOMEONE laughs at one of your jokes. I remember one time I went out and asked women for the time. I remember this very vividly because I did this over the course of 2 days, and at the beginning I had EXTREME AA. I asked girls for the time, and I really put myself out there (beginner). But then something crazy happened. I did the "Hey"... and then "do you have the time" as usual on this cute girl, and when I said "Hey"... she lit up like a Christmas tree. Complete 360 in attitude, smiling, wide eyes, etc. I asked her for the time and she gave it to me, and then I said "thanks" and walked away.

My eyes welled up afterwards thinking about it, from a couple of perspectives. One... I'm valuable. No debating. Two, there are people out there that are going to like me as is. Three... I have the ability to make a girls day, or take it away, as I DID. I could have easily pursued that and probably gotten a number or something....so how selfish am I, to withdraw that pleasure from someone? I could have went out with that girl and we would have a fun time.

You ever go out on the town on a Friday? In some neighborhoods I go to, there are NOTHING but girls dressed up in skimpy outfits, out and about, and with their girls to keep each other company, but CLEARLY lonely. "most" Women can't make it happen like us and approach. So when you go out, think of that. You're withholding giving a girl some company. Even if she doesn't like you and rejects you, she probably is going to feel better about multiple men coming up to her.

I approach for that one women I made smile that one time by asking for the time. Because I know I'll meet plenty of cool girls if I keep approaching, but that onus of responsibility is on you.

redbluepilling · 2015-04-14T05:57:17+00:00

when I go alone, which is often more times than not.

You're already ahead of many people by doing this.

When you're out at a bar alone, I imagine you're putting too much pressure on yourself to act in a way that isn't in line with how you feel at that moment. You've probably heard the phrase 'fake it til you make it', which I hate for its lack of nuance. If you're not in that state of mind, not comfortable with 'high energy', it'll show.

First, it's okay to be the 'weird guy that hasn't talked to people' if you're actually feeling like that. But chances are, once you're comfortable, that'll change. So how do you get comfortable...

I like to take it slow. I sit down at the bar, order a beer, and just enjoy it. I'll enjoy the moment. I turn that bar into my home. There will usually be people around and I'll just talk casually. Talking to guys is underappreciated. Talking about beer, is a simple thing I talk about often I've noticed. I get warmed up talking, mood picks up, I get to know someone new, I gain a friend for the night. If they're not that interested in talking, no worries, I'm still enjoying myself and my beer like I was before. Positivity, enjoyment of the moment, and scratching the itch of genuinely getting to know people / bringing positive vibes along with you. After that, in your new home, people gravitate toward you, and it's easy to talk to people. They're in your home. You don't find yourself under great pressure, needing anything like validation from them because you have what you want (relaxing/having a beer/having a laugh). It becomes casual and fun, like at that bonfire.

Finally, a simple "how'ya doin?" or whatever colloquialism said with the intention of brightening someone's mood yet not expecting a reply, simply being glad you spread a little positivity, essentially should underline the mindset I'm talking about. Even better, a little smile and a raise of the glass toward a person is enough to create a great atmosphere around you and you may find that people will want to talk with you and in return, you can engage with them easily. Typically, they don't want to be alone or stuck in their group indefinitely either.

[deleted] · 2015-04-14T19:24:22+00:00

Are you having general social anxiety or is it more specific to approaching? If that's the case you might need to work on that before tackling approaching. I've heard exposure therapy is helpful. This might be a good place to start: http://www.anxietycoach.com/exposuretherapy.html

Merwebb · 2015-04-14T03:20:42+00:00

Try doing some other stuff that might be scary to you, like jumping to a pool from a tall platform or safer stuff like that.

Yes, safer, because approaching anxiety is an ugly bitch that must go down.

Build confort around yourself doing other stuff that scare you and dont focus on approaching so hard.

Title	Approaching Approach
Author	Shoutnshorty
Upvotes	4
Comments	5
Date	April 14, 2015 2:45 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/32ipsc/approaching_approach/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/approaching-approach.147937 https://theredarchive.com/post/147937

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