I'm an idiot and applied for a job in which I'm basically required to be extremely sociable.

I'm attractive, my voice gives women orgasms, and I know how to play it cool in interviews so I got the job.

However, I'm a shitfest inside. Hate myself. Give huge, fat fucks about what people think. I am the complete opposite of "present" even though I meditate. I suck at conversation cuz I don't bring up anything I'm actually interested in. I Can't even handle women that ARE ALREADY wanting to fuck. The list goes on.

Basically, I'm uncomfortable "shooting the shit" with people because it feels disingenuous the whole time.

So should I try to "be myself" or should I see this as an opportunity to learn social skills, no matter how fake I'm going to need to be? I fear that, then, like always, I'll have to play a role. I'm trying to get away from that (be genuine/myself), but obviously social skills are important. Thoughts?