I've been lurking trp and married trp for the past 4 years or so. I thought I was hot shit and ready to handle an ltr. Long story short I ended up acting like a jealous little bitch boy and she ended up light-switching. I couldn't get myself to believe the signs and fell into a loop of apathy and self-loathing towards the latter end of everything. She left and I was a little cry-baby about it for probably a solid month afterwards and she ghosted me.

It's been a few months and I've gotten back to my roots and figured out again who I am. Thank you guys for all of your advice in this. My lifts have gone up 200lbs on legs and 60lbs on bench, my studies are back in order and I've been able to find a few off and on plates after a few months of monk mode. I've been listening to tons of books and reintegrated myself healthily into work again. My friendships are solid and I constantly have too many plans to really keep up with when I'm focused on studies.

However, I keep getting the urge to message my ex back to tell her that I apologize in genuine for being a little turd and tell her that I hope she's doing well. She could just not want to hear from me at all, but this is something that I want to do to put the nail in the coffin when I don't feel like such a little dweeb. I have a hard time talking to people about this, and would appreciate your input.

Thank you guys for everything.