A year ago my wife S (32/F) told me (32/M) she was bi and wanted to date women. I flipped out and we separated. I was thoroughly blue pill and mortified of getting back into the dating game, having been married/monogamous for many years. I discovered PUA and then TRP and I've been fine. We ended up getting back together and trying to have an open relationship.

We've taken some breaks from seeing other people over the past year, but are very much dating outside the marriage right now, more than ever in the past. S has a steady girlfriend A that is 26 and a lesbian. A is a fun, party sort of girl but also has a good job, nice apartment etc. S seeks my permission before seeing A and I'm fine with the arrangement. S has picked up on a lot of my TRP techniques that I use on my girls and it is cool to see her use it all on A. It's very effective and A will do basically whatever S wants (including sex, whenever).

On my side, I'd been pursuing ONS-type relationships exclusively. I'm one of those guys that has success with dating apps so I've met the vast majority of my girls through those. I'm tall, fit, rich and live in a big city so there is endless tail available. Of course, I continue to work on my body and game to further improve the quality I'm pulling (career is already near-perfect).

I've recently started to apply plate theory more seriously, keeping multiple girls hanging around rather than nexting them immediately after sex. I'm seeing a couple other girls regularly, S2 and S3. S2 is 28 and I'm pretty into. S3 is also 28 and I may drop. I'm dating lots of new girls as well, with each having the potential to become more regular.

Currently, I indicate in my online dating profiles that I'm in an open relationship. This goes against a tenet of plate theory, that I should be covert about the other plates I'm spinning and only indicate through mannerisms. I am able to get dates this way so I certainly have the option of keeping it like this. On the other hand, I sometimes worry that I am missing some good girls because of this line. I'm not asking you guys about the ethics of stating I'm not single up front. I'm asking about what will be more effective. During a period when I wasn't stating up front, I had one girl freak out on my when she found out I was married. My wife and I live together, sleep in the same bed, etc. so it's not something I can realistically keep a secret unless I'm having an ONS while traveling or something.

Also worth noting.. some of the girls I meet are also in open relationships. Granted it's quite similar to spinning plates, but the poly world encourages transparency, while plate theory is essentially covert. The poly girls prefer a guy with other relationships because they don't want clingy monogamous guys when they look for a secondary partner.

tldr; Spinning plates while in an open marriage, how/when to tell them I'm married?