Can one make a comeback from being a beta-boyfriend?

Peter_B_Long · 2018-06-21T17:51:34+00:00

I was in an LTR for 5 years. A year before I broke up with her, I discovered TRP.

So for a whole year, I was trying to make a comeback. I was asking shit on askTRP about situations I was in and every time people would tell me to stop being a pussy and to just dump her.

She was a decent LTR but I was mostly with her because I was comfortable and I had a deep fear of regretting a break up and living a life of mediocrity like I'm sure every guy is when considering a break up.

I faced some HARD shit tests. I remember this one time she randomly sent me pictures of her trying on some new bras and I followed by inviting her over to my place and she replied saying that she had plans for the entire week even though she would always be available for me.

I was able to pass most of the shit tests mainly because I was learning from TRP but the truth is, the pay off was not worth it.

I dealt with way too much shit and drama only to get repaid with some submissiveness.

It's like this. Imagine starting off a class at a 50% grade. That's already an F. You have to bust your ass for the rest of the semester to try and get a D or hopefully a C. And I mean bust your ass so you HAVE to get perfect grades on all your tests, you HAVE to do all your homework and extra credit, and most important, you can not fuck up at all. It's like climbing up a mountain.

When approaching a new girl, you're automatically at an A. You don't need to stay after class for extra credit or try and get a perfect score on the final. All you have to do is show up to class (approach) and put in enough effort to get a passing grade.

ChadsLeftNut · 2018-06-21T16:22:52+00:00

Maybe, but is very hard and not worth it

MattyAnon · 2018-06-21T20:19:51+00:00

, where once you're there you're there forever?

run dread, but fundamentally plan on meeting someone new.

[deleted] · 2018-06-21T16:19:26+00:00

You can make it out of anything. Be prepared for non-stop shit tests. Better off finding new women

mrpthrowa · 2018-06-21T16:36:31+00:00

Would you rather sleep on a fresh mattress, or clean a shit infested mattress to sleep on?

wobbleelbbow · 2018-06-21T17:23:33+00:00

Currently in similar position. I think it is possible but it has diminishing returns. If you are not married basically it is not worth the effort. Try to be better and more alpha bf for some other chick.

bruiser18 · 2018-06-21T21:15:27+00:00

Depends on the case. Some are hard but doable, some not

RedHoodhandles · 2018-06-21T21:37:05+00:00

relevant.

jesper_lundqvist · 2018-06-21T22:33:38+00:00

I think this is an interesting question. One of the things I have noticed about men is that we are nowhere near as hierarchical as society would lead us to believe. Our circles don't need hierarchies to function, they're simply convenient to have. There's a considerable degree of fluidity in how men place relative to each other. Look at football where the saying is, "You're only as good as your last game." Results count much more than reputation, so we happily sacrifice the latter for the sake of the former.

Women on the other hand don't have this fluidity. Every man can be his own one-man system, but women are more reliant on being part of a social group to manifest their identity. Once there's a set of power relations, they don't like them being disturbed. You're fighting an uphill battle if you want to de-beta-fy yourself in her eyes because part of her identity is derived from the fact that your one of the betas that she's above in the social pecking order. It's very different from being a fat girl who loses a ton of weight because to men, a thin girl is a thin girl, even if she used to be fat.

So if you want to redeem yourself, be prepared to face resistance from girls to whom you're still a beta. You have to withdraw and let the old beta die and emerge as something better with more to offer. In a relationship, that means not offering her the same emotional validation you used to, but having a better body to make your validation worth fighting for. For friendzone girls, it means dropping out of her life and forgetting about her - if you cross paths again, you'll have the closest you'll get to a blank slate. It's not enough to merely be a changed man, you need to be someone it's worth her changing her mind about.

Caveat: this should not be a substitute for broadening your circles and developing an abundance, nor an excuse to pursue an old oneitis, it is simply something to give you a little extra leeway.

Title	Can one make a comeback from being a beta-boyfriend?
Author	DoYouConcur29
Upvotes	8
Comments	15
Date	June 21, 2018 4:17 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/8st6v1/can_one_make_a_comeback_from_being_a_betaboyfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/can-one-make-a-comeback-from-being-a-beta.100644 https://theredarchive.com/post/100644

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