2 issues I've been facing for quite some time that I feel might be the major issues impeding my path to self improvement. This is a two part question.

We could say that on a physical aspect my looks are an 8-9. I'm intelligent, tall, I lift, and pretty funny. So I've had success with women before without trying much, but I feel like I'm nowhere near my potential because of some social deficiencies.

So here's the deal. People tell me I'm charismatic all the time, so I should be good right? The thing is, for me, this charisma is deliberate and intentional. Basically I can kill it when the conditions are right (I'm in the mood, feeling motivated) but my social skills take a hit if I'm not in it (like 80% of the time). It's like the power is there but I don't have access to it on demand.

Another thing I noticed is I can't keep focus with people too long. It always bugs me thinking I'm this selfish ass dude but I just don't have a deep interest in people to connect. I know the basic rules of conversation and I can hold up good convos but have difficulty building deeper connections. I know this is a huge factor holding me back because people can see it in your eyes, body, and soul when you don't really care about what they're saying. It repels people.

Recurring example : I'd be having a one on one conversation with an acquaintance and another acquaintance would come by. The second these guys start talking I'd withdraw back into my own thoughts and exit the conversation. To the point people say I'm always day dreaming or ask if I'm autistic.

Another example: I'd ask someone about something that interests them to spark conversation. Maintain good eye contact, nod, ask them more.... but the whole time I wouldn't hear a word they said. I noticed a lot of these times I'd be thinking about what I'm supposed to say or trying to focus and keep good body language/eye contact. I feel like I'm defeating the whole purpose of a good conversation by focusing on things to improve interactions.

That dragged out a bit longer than I thought but I wanted to paint a picture for some who may have had similar experiences and wanted to share some insight.

What I'm asking is:

  1. How do I stay up on my game (confident&charismatic) most if not all the time?

  2. How do I get out of my head and be fully present with people around me? Can I develop a genuine interest in people or am I just going to have to get really good at faking it?

Any advice or criticism is welcome and appreciated.