Sorry for the long rant... I've been bottling this up for some time.

I've been with someone for a while now, this past year has been really hard, she has shut down nearly completely relationship wise. We have been going to counseling for some time. I realize I am actually the one with all of the financial support, logistics, and a few other things in the relationship, while she has figured out a way to blame me for nearly every problem possible.

Throughout the relationship I have tried to get her to do things, to go out, to try spontaneous things. She has a hard time doing anything outside her "comfort" zone - basically anything that might be considered challenging for her, but mundane for the average person.

At one point I fucked up and took an interest in someone outside our marriage, but nothing physical ever happened. I have accepted all of my mistakes and things that I've been responsible for within the marriage, but she still holds a huge grudge and hasn't been able to let it go.

I suspect she may have some kind of personality disorder, is definitely undeniably depressed, and had been on medication prior to our relationship. She refuses to see a doctor about the aforementioned issue.

I met her biological grandmother last Christmas and found that she shared a lot of the same traits and inabilities to function. Her mother also seems to enable this behavior.

The first year we were together we spent a lot of time apart, but we still went out and did things. She would constantly bad mouth her flatmates and complain about things that seemed outside of anyones control. I chocked it up to just venting about her environment and having crappy housemates.

Things continued and we eventually became engaged - She kept talking about wanting to get a job, though how difficult it was, she also had a webcomic and complained in a few issues openly about how it didn't make sense to get a minimum wage job when you could make more on benefits. I misread this as sarcasm.

Later on after the marriage began she took down this webcomic and claimed she was ashamed of it.

The first year we were married things started to lose their luster. She started to complain about me, in the same way she complained about her room mates, she stayed in the apartment and didn't really go out without prodding or pushing. She enjoyed it when I would spend money on breakfast, or take her for dinner, but she never really got into doing things like going to the gym with me, or getting up and going for walks. She did spend a lot of time online, or knitting and crocheting. She didn't attempt to make any friends (she is from a different part of the planet) nor would she continue to try and better herself in any way.

You could say because of all of this I got close to a coworker who had a semi emotional affair where nothing physical happened, and the coworker died from stage IV cancer fairly quickly.

One of the last things my coworker told my wife was how lucky she was, and told me not to sabotage my relationship with my wife. (Initially I was trying to help my wife find friends with similar interests, and to get her to come out with her, but this sort of backfired when I realized it wasn't going to work)

The second year was a lot of damage control. The wife was angry about all the time I had spent, but she kept things bottled up. Later, just this year in fact I found out she posted about a bunch of it on reddit. We didn't really talk about it much but we tried to keep things going. She still followed the pattern of not wanting to work, not really going out, but she occasionally had friends visit from back home.

The third year it seemed like things were starting to pickup between us. We had moved to a bigger city, a bigger apartment. Work was no longer working night shift, but daytime. Her mother would come and visit us and stay, she was making efforts to sort of see my sister and family a bit, but really still had not made any connections. She still continued to depend on me for everything, and it had become so much the norm I didn't even realize it at the time. We did a few things together, but we didn't really accomplish anything I had wanted to do. Later in therapy she actually projected this in a statement she said to our counselor - that she had given up all these things for me - but when asked what it was she gave up - she was unable to respond. She had wanted children as did I, I figured that she would at least be a good mom and eventually things might be okay, we tried for a while and took fertility drugs but nothing worked. We sort of gave up on that idea. She started volunteering at the local aquarium. My brother stayed with us part of the year and she complained about him constantly.

The later part of the third year we were still physically intimate, we didn't really have any friends coming to visit anymore, and we didn't really go out and do much together either. We did a lot of thing like binge watch Breaking Bad, Dexter, Walking Dead things like this, but never really did anything outside except occasional walks on the beach. She complained about me wanting to control everything in a way that seemed irrational, I asked her if I could come with her to the aquarium for her holiday party, in the same way that I would like to have had her at mine - she to this day swears that I made her make me go.

Near the first half of our fourth year together she felt strange, took a pregnancy test - and it was positive. She made me come home early from work, call the hospital and arrange a visit, crying when they wouldn't let her come in, I convinced them to give us a spot thinking it would help her out.

She was indeed pregnant. She would stop volunteering at the aquarium, nearly immediately or within the first month or so of pregnancy. She stopped going out and doing things, but we were focused on each other in a way that seemed like things were going to be better - she took an interest in going to the hospital to learn about the stages, I again tried to introduce her to friends but again she rejected contacting them further. The pregnancy continued, as an engineer I took notes on nearly everything we learned in the classes at the hospital, I tried to get a ton of things ready for the baby, my family really pitched in a lot. They tried to visit her as well, but she made no attempts to call anyone, she would just stay at home. She stopped crocheting, started being on the computer a lot more, taking photos of her body going through stages - actually I noticed that was a thing for her she had always taken photos but always complained about them for one reason or another. We talked about how many children we might want (I was still in the clouds and not seeing things for what they really were) She picked the name, complained that I had not been doing enough (again I am still paying for everything, all classes, insurance, laptop, phone, internet, television etc.)

Our daughter was born March 1st last year. It was a near painless delivery. The way my wife remembers it however you would think I was some evil arch nemesis. I stayed with her for nearly a week helping every way I could. She would not stop crying, it went on for nearly the whole week. We went to lactation consultants and found out our baby was underweight.

Her mother came out and started to take over everything, bashing men in general, and saying snide comments like "how come your husband doesn't want to hold the baby" while holding my daughter in a way that was very possessive. I was really upset at this because I had done everything possible for my wife, I was taking care of everything and my daughter. For me my daughter was a new hope, and gave me a sense of pride, even if my wife was not going to lift a finger to change or do anything at least I could spend time with my daughter.

This was a fairly unrealistic viewpoint. The reality is my mother-in-law was actually quite an enabler herself, with the added bonus of poisoning my wife on the idea of a relationship. She suggested I didn't really do anything for my daughter, and I suspect it had a pretty direct effect on what followed.

Her mother left around the beginning of April, things seemed okay, we went to the beach for Mother's day in May and I felt like it was a pretty special time. (my wife would reflect back on this and say things like "how could you not get me anything for my first mother's day?") For me it was about being together and doing things together.

Around June of last year she started crying and said something to the effect of "I can't do this anymore" I asked and probed deeper - in previous times I suggested that if she felt that way she should just go, but this time because there was a child involved I argued that we should get counseling. She agreed and we started going to therapy about a week later.

We kept going and seemed like we were progressing, she became a bit more open and acceptive of touch, though she blamed a lot of things on being "homesick" or "overtouched" by the baby. She told the counselor that the homesickness would be something she could visit if she just made it back home. We sorted out a few travel related things and continued to goto counseling. Her mother had a conversation with me at one point - I suggested that my wife seemed depressed, her mother flat out denied this and said she was just homesick and missed her family, that my family was great but no substitute for her "real" family.

Her mother flew out, and they flew back together with my daughter. My wife stayed at home most of the time but made it out with a few friends, one of which I am quite skeptical of the intent.

One night she called me via skype and we talked, she spoke about how she missed me, loved me, realized she was back home but still felt the same depression and that it wasn't the location but something more like a real issue. It seemed like she was finally realizing some of this stuff. I really felt like there was some form of hope.

I later flew out to meet up with her. We spent my birthday there, went to several places with our daughter, again the pattern of me paying for everything continued, without any real physical reciprocation, though she did say that she loved me and continued to try to hug me. We had a few times where there was conflict, though it was almost always over something stupid.

Her father had contacted her via facebook - and said he wanted to meet his grand daughter. We went to the father's brother's home and waited for him, he never showed up. I asked my wife about it and I felt very upset that he never came. My wife just dropped the subject and refused to talk about it.

We got back to our home after a few weeks, where my family had Thanks Giving. Everyone talked about things they were thankful for. My wife said nothing when it became her turn. We missed a bunch of time at the counselor.

The next day my grandmother passed away and we had to fly out of state for the funeral. My wife agreed to go, but then later said it was forced on her, and disagreed about going saying it was bad for our daughter, that she had only met my grandmother once and she didn't really think she meant a lot to her.

When we returned she was like a different person. She said she had to see the counselor alone. She said that she didn't want me to touch her, and that it made her feel like a prostitute any time I had touched her in the past few years, and that she never enjoyed any of it, even times that I know she is lying about.

She is now at a place where she will not open up to me, seems like she may not talk with the counselor. She still sleeps in the same bed and depends on me to come home, gets angry when I am late, is constantly on her phone on facebook or reddit - watch out if she is talking to you guys or girls -

So this pattern of me enabling her or providing for her has been something that has been going on for literal years. Likewise she has sucked nearly half of my income for the past six years, and never followed through on any of her promises or even gotten her own drivers license.

I know this is a lot of shit, and I hate myself for making myself a victim for so long.

I am worried about what to do for the following:

Is it repairable? Probably not, but would like to try, though this would require her and I to both change. I am 100% onboard since I love my daughter and would do anything for her.

Will my mother in law or my wife fuck up my daughter more than I would - probably as well - how the hell do I prevent this from happening?

Why would I want to repair it? Pros / Cons?

Anyhow shit sucks - please let me know if there are any RedPill things I can do to get my power back in this shit storm, or if there is anything potentially legal that I need to watch out for etc.

In addition - more data - she hasn't really given any of what she wants next much actual realistic thought.

She says she wants to stay here so our daughter will be able to spend time with me because my daughter "loves her dada"

When confronted with this plan she claims that she will stay living in the same home as me, under the same roof, and still having me pay for all of her needs.