I was living with a girl in college. I lost my virginity to this girl after knowing her for 6 months. She was giving me IOIs from the start but I pretty much ignored her because I was focused on my studies and the gym. She was insanely nervous around me for a long time. I didn't want to reciprocate because we lived together and didn't want distractions.

To cut to the chase, a close childhood friend of mine passed away in the middle of the semester from cystic fibrosis. I was a mess, I didn't show it but I was. The day after the funeral, she was sitting beside me and I just said fuck it. I liked her too and found her very attractive so fuck it. So I put my hand on her leg, escalated from there and you know the rest.

I went into it with the idea that I'd lose my virginity to her, fuck her a few times while we lived with each other, then move on afterwards. As things progressed, I saw that we had a lot in common and got along really well with each other, even when not having sex (we had a lot of sex). We would spend all day together and never get bored. Initially I wanted to keep as much distance as possible because we lived together but she gradually broke me down. Even with the strongest frame, be around a girl literally 24/7 and you're going to break a little.

I found out that she has a lot of TRP positives : strong father figure, hard working, modest, low N count, highly intelligent, shy. So I naturally start developing feelings for her. She tells me that she loves me and I reciprocate, even though at that time I don't know if I really meant it. I definitely do now though, christ. Can't think about anything / anyone else. No interest in other women whatsoever. What a fucking change from when she was all over me and I was ignoring her.

So we moved out of the house, and she stayed with me for 2 nights before she left. We talked on the phone for hours. She had agreed to go travelling through Europe for 2 months with her female friend before we started seeing each other. I had an electrical engineering internship at a top company that I couldn't turn down.

She was and is madly in love with me. She rings me / messages me daily, and pretty much gives me a run down of her entire day, just in case I think she would cheat. I'm confident she wouldn't, because she knows that if she did I'd be gone in an instant and I've got a very high SMV (6'3, athletic, part time model, amateur boxer, 3.7 GPA in electrical engineering). She also never got with anyone other than me in the time we lived together, despite going out socialising a few times a week, in a far safer environment. There's always a risk but I'd wager the risk is pretty low.

I told her that I don't like messaging and that I'd prefer if things stayed the same as they were before she left (we never had to message because she was there all the time). I wanted to put her out of my head and regain focus, then pick things up again when she got back. This hurt her feelings a lot (I'd imagine I've failed a lot of comfort tests). So I caved, and told her the truth about how I feel (facepalm). Also have been messaging her more.

She has never admitted to missing me (doesn't feel comfortable sharing her feelings with me a lot of the time) even though the fact that she messages me so much pretty much confirms it. If she was physically with me I could easily manage her but messaging fucks things up.

While initially I wouldn't have given a shit whether she missed me, now I do. A big part of the problem is that while she's over having the time of her life, I'm going through hell. I'm the only guy under 30 at my job (I've just turned 21, shes a year older than me)I meet nobody during the day, the work is boring, I see pretty much nobody when I come home either. I've been coming home and just crying my fucking eyes out. Obviously she doesn't know any of this.

Not sure what I'm really asking here. Just need somewhere to vent and need some opinions. I'm sure the prevalent one will be go meet more women, but I genuinely am not interested in any women other than her, and I know this is unhealthy.