Date fail

MattyAnon · 2018-02-14T00:56:35+00:00

A solid 7.5? Are you sure she's not a rock solid 7.39?

She was 15 minutes late and apologised, but I told her she can buy me a beer as punishment (jokingly) which she did no problem

Perfect.

She suggested icecream. I agreed and at the icecream place she asked if she should pay for us, I said "Go for it."

Yeah... if she offers, take her up on it. The real benefit to this is that you can splash on something later without her feeling you're the beta.

This morning I get a text from her saying: "It was nice to meet you but after thinking about it I don't think we are compatible, as it would have been a kind gesture for you to pay for icecream OR beer."

Well, this is retarded of her. The tone is "you should have".

So am I right to assume, I just didn't give her enough tingles and this is just an excuse she is using to let me off easy, or is it some sort of shit test?

You should have physically escalated and gone for beers with her. She's post rationalising and resentful, but here's what you do:

"You're right, come out with me Thursday, I owe you a beer".

Why? Because that's a 10% chance of a lay right there for 20 seconds effort, which is a good deal unless you have Playboy models battering down your door.

asapzombie · 2018-02-14T00:51:10+00:00

Shit test.

chazthundergut · 2018-02-14T00:45:00+00:00

Ignore it altogether, don't text back at all.

Then, in about a week, invite her out for drinks near your place. And proceed as if nothing happened.

If she won't fall into your frame, she is not worth the drama it would take to wrestle her into it. But if you disengage and act cool, you will demonstrate to her (through your actions) that you can withstand her emotional tempests without so much as a second thought. Women find this very attractive.

Any engagement on the issue is a surrender to her frame. You didn't do shit, so don't waste any timer or energy playing her game.

And, if not, then next and save yourself a headache.

RedLegendx · 2018-02-14T00:35:22+00:00

This is most likely a test, tell her that it’s ok and to hit you up if she changes her mind, then next!

UnluckyPenguin · 2018-02-14T00:46:02+00:00

she asked if she should pay for us, I said "Go for it."

This is one of those things that has an obvious solution, kind of like when a girl says "I'm thirsty" and she actually wants you to get her a drink. That's where you failed.

She's looking for a balanced relationship. You could have gotten laid, but you let the lady pay for both ice cream and beer? Even someone who is broke would at least barter, like "Yeah, go ahead and pay for the ice cream too. I'll pay you back with a nice dinner and dessert at my place".

When I take a girl out I pay for dinner, and she pays for dessert, or we just split dinner 50/50, and I don't make a big deal out of it. I feel no need to drain their bank account when I take a girl out on a date (like they literally only have 100$ in their account).

You don't have to be beta or sensitive towards their feelings, but an alpha needs to have a strong sense of empathy (ability to know what others are feeling), which is very different from sympathy. With women, having empathy as a skill basically allows you to read their minds.

Spets87 · 2018-02-14T04:49:56+00:00

Cheers for the feedback, I'll just wait a week and setup another date, ignoring her last message.

Title	Date fail
Author	Spets87
Upvotes	2
Comments	7
Date	February 14, 2018 12:29 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/7xe2pz/date_fail/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/date-fail.123932 https://theredarchive.com/post/123932

Comments