Dating a virgin...

stillnoturday · 2014-05-12T06:06:18+00:00

If she is still a virgin at 21 you are going to have to be patient as fuck, much more time than I would care to spend. Not like its a bad thing go out 3 times if you aren't getting to at 1st then you need to revisit if shes into you.

Just don't be over zealous if you act like it doesn't matter then suddenly it doesn't matter. Have fun good luck with that man.

laere · 2014-05-12T05:51:30+00:00

Where are you from again?

asd1100 · 2014-05-12T14:22:22+00:00

She is playing you.

Stop deflecting or amplifing, only dismiss.

Lead her and push her. Find her boundaries before she says anything and take them into account. Dance around them, push pulling like crazy. Don't wait for verbal feedback. Feel her out.

She is absolutely deaf at what her instincts are saying, they are drwwned out by her hamsters high RPM. You are not currently in a relation with her, but with her alter ego build up on a cultural representation of a relationship. Sex is the path of most resistance but ironically that makes all other aspects less rationalised and guarded. Build her into a great gf in those aspects, once she becomes attracted(genuinely, instinctively not highschool attracted, her rationalisation will clear up the path toward sex for you)

Warning, she will be a horrible plate, but you can potentially have a great relationship with her(as long as you don't NAWALT)

dadu83 · 2014-05-12T16:02:59+00:00

21 y.o. virgin female in the UK? Did you find her under a stone? I find it hard to believe. Anyways, you need to build her comfort and trust levels. You should start by bringing her over to your place; you can either do this by saying "Let's pre-game at my place at 6 pm before going out for drinks" or if you're confident enough that she will agree then you can offer to cook her dinner. I prefer the former since it is less threatening and gives her a chance to assess you. Then, of course, y'all go out and have drinks, dinner and build kino/escalate during the course of the evening. Then, you bring her back. Something pre-planned helps such as: "I've got this really nice bottle of wine that I've been meaning to try" or "I've been dying to watch this <insert chick-flick / rom-com / Disney> movie and you're the best person to watch it with...let's go to my place"

To answer your question: 2 more dates, tops. If she doesn't warm up or reciprocate, then move on. FWIW, don't be hung up on her being a virgin. Virgin sex isn't as cracked up as people make it to be.

theozoph · 2014-05-12T17:10:38+00:00

Did the same thing a few years back. 23, religious background, wants to wait for marriage. I play it cool, don't rush, at the time I didn't even expect she'd be into me. First kiss was almost rushed, nothing to write home about, I'd wrote off the evening as a loss.

The second making out session was slow and tender, but again I cut it short, this time for prior engagements.

Next date we spent the night together, but she wouldn't let me do the deed. I never lost my cool, told her I didn't mind. Rubbed her pretty good, though, but had to keep frame working through the initial resistance.

Next sleepover came oral through a little reciprocation. I still had to break through the resistance, but it was always minimal if I timed it right (get her panting, get the knickers off — repeat process, then go down). I even made fun of her for her half-hearted attempts at saying no. She's the one who oh-so-adorably suggested I "needed something" in return even if sex was still a no-no. She was pretty crap at it, but with a little guidance she eventually got better.

And then came the night. I go down, I come up for the kiss (had worked throught her initial resistance at being fed her own juices, now she loved it), pole bumps at the gates, I look at her, get in position, kiss her face and neck and rub the tip, and wait for a sign. Sure enough, she eventually melts and just invites me in.

Took two-three weeks, and five-seven dates (didn't keep track), but eventually they all relent. Even though it didn't work out as an LTR, we're still friends and see each other from time to time. She's getting married this year to a guy I know (her second bf, afaik), but I got the cherry.

I think the trick is to be the cool rock against which her insecurities crash. You're never impatient, never put out by her retreats. You scale back, dare her in little step by little step. Ignore the false refusals (the girly "Oh noes!" I mocked) but heed the true ones, body language is key. Physical recoil should raise a flag, and mean it's time to take a breather and talk. Keep it playful and fun, and remember that you're her guide into her sexuality. Your goal is to get her to want to dare more, which she'll only do if she trusts you, so your frame must be impeccable.

It's still a very fond memory, I hope it'll work out for you.

Title	Dating a virgin...
Author	raceAround126
Upvotes	3
Comments	10
Date	May 12, 2014 5:48 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/25c7lc/dating_a_virgin/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/dating-a-virgin.139745 https://theredarchive.com/post/139745

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