Dealing with anger

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2019-01-26T22:03:15+00:00

Living in the past and feeling like a victim of injustice is a way of trying to avoid dealing with uncertainty and loneliness in the present.

This is generally a result of a lack of actual fucking injustice in one's life. People who have seen injustice tend to just want to move on with their lives and tend to be more tolerant.

That starts with shame and self-intolerance.

"I can't forgive myself for being weak and ignorant in the past. I'm so ashamed about how vulnerable I was. I felt like I was on the bottom of the social ladder."

ExtraMath · 2019-01-27T01:22:21+00:00

I would honestly recommend Anger management with CBT for dummies. It’s a bit obscure but Cognitive behavioral therapy is ultimately what people telling you to let go are trying to do.

I’ve had anger issues my whole life. Not actively getting violent at people but the passive aggressive type.

I’ve held grudges for years.

I’ve been mad at myself more than anyone else really.

I’ll be honest. Meditation really helped me- you said it didn’t help you but don’t give up on it. What did the trick was An app called Headspace- you might be trying unguided which is really hard for somebody with a frantic mind.

Regardless though,

I found solitude in nature to also be really helpful. I have a river & forest where I live and I can always just stop there and reflect on the thoughts.

But on a more mental level, It eventually hit me:

When I get angry, I lose. Not whoever I’m angry against.

If I get angry and win, Lol please- that still means I lose, I’m angry and that’s not a state you want to be in.

Also, it’s killing you. The stress induced from these thoughts caused some hairs to go white very very early. It’s just not worth it.

Whoever you are holding a grudge against has likely moved on, everyone from those days has likely moved on.

You owe it to yourself to do the same. I also had a close call with death and realized how little this petty shit matters. It really doesn’t. Don’t live your life angry- you will regret it.

Stoicism is a really good start. I recommend this 366 day stoic journal by Ryan Holiday as a simple daily way to get stoicism into your life.

Same with gratitude training.

In fact, a psychological hack I realized, if it’s been 1-1.5 years or more- you can bury the hatchet with whoever you want. (unless it was really horrendous crime/act).

That goes for failed friendships. Etc

This stuff might sound a little wishy-washy & woo-woo but don’t dismiss it. Keep an open mind.

yungbuck19 · 2019-01-26T20:46:26+00:00

Seriously let it all go, be free from past experiences and thoughts. What is done is done, it's over. If we focus on the past we cannot appreciate the present and what is to come. We have all made mistakes, but the biggest mistake we can make is holding onto to something that is done and over with
I've had the same problem, keep telling yourself you are a mountain you do not move for the slightest winds. Practice it, in everyday life or when people tell you ridiculous things or stuff to itch at your frame

lokilis · 2019-01-26T22:42:00+00:00

for example one with your friend, keep that justified anger and use it as a force to improve yourself, so you don't make those mistakes again. Once you're certain that you'd never make those mistakes again, maybe it'll be easier to move on from that.

for 2, i don't really know. My mentality is super chill and this never happens to me.

therandombiker1 · 2019-01-27T03:47:21+00:00

you think about things that happened years ago because you didn't yet understand that experience, you didn't learn from it. so you keep replaying in your mind until you do. so i suggest to put it on the paper, write in detail everything you remember about that incident and try to understand what really happened.

then you will be able to let go

about the second problem: i didn't really did my homework on this, but from my experience, lifting makes you more angry. i practiced meditation for years and i became relaxed as the Dude, but once i started lifting the anger came back. it has something to do with a rush of testosterone, or some other hormones cocktail.

Title	Dealing with anger
Author	MisunderstoodAsian
Upvotes	2
Comments	10
Date	January 26, 2019 8:30 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ak4pqs/dealing_with_anger/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/dealing-with-anger.203627 https://theredarchive.com/post/203627

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