Developing Strong Frame

robotghow · 2015-01-13T22:56:12+00:00

I'm a say-what-I-think kind of guy, and I have a lot of opinions. As a result, I get shit-tested all the time. I usually counter it with a sense of humor. I either agree and amplify, show them the same fault in them (more risky), or break their statement apart and make fun of it.

I would say there are three steps.

Be ready. Be aware of what you can be shit-tested on (your perceived faults & vulnerabilities) and find a way to speak confidently about them
When shit-tested, try to understand the reason behind it. These tests are subtle acts of aggression, intended to disrupt your status. There is a clash in your agendas, and if you find out which clash it is, you can neutralize it without having to respond to the actual test. It's almost never personal, so don't get offended. Play the game.
Reply with anything, except for a serious answer. Don't defend yourself. You will only open new fronts for attack for those who dislike you, and those who already like you don't need persuasion. And anyway it's best to shift the focus away from you.

And most importantly, be confident, and act confident.

Here's something an extremely passive-aggressive coworker once said to me in front of a big group, after I explained to him that his mistake cost me a lot of work. He said: "Maybe I should keep doing that until you go to [the boss] and tell him you quit".

The room got quiet, all eyes on me. Many would get angry or personal, or try to explain how they would never do that etc. I just laughed and said: "Oh, so that's how you think the dynamics work in this office?" heavily implying that if I do go to the boss, he would be fired. To this day I'm not 100% sure if this confidence was justified, but his own friends laughed and persuaded him to back-off, and I gained a lot of respect from the rest of the room.

drallcom3 · 2015-01-13T23:37:37+00:00

If in doubt, don't take it seriously. Actually, let this be your default mode.

prettylatebloomer · 2015-01-13T22:27:25+00:00

Don't take things personally. Easier said than done, that's the hardest part for me. I can be a sensitive little bitch and sometimes let shit tests hurt me emotionally because I take them personally. Don't do that.

asd1100 · 2015-01-14T08:15:17+00:00

You either, get on their frame and implode it with agree and amplify.(works better with women as they are not all that quick)

Or you flip the frame and take it over.(works better with men as they aren't as socially aware)

I would need direct examples, because some may just be unusual remarks you are simply overreacting to.

A strong frame is created as a consequence of having a certainty about who you are and what you are about.(confidence) You get confidence by being great.(really long self jerking story short)

Title	Developing Strong Frame
Author	fr0i
Upvotes	5
Comments	5
Date	January 13, 2015 9:21 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2sbp50/developing_strong_frame/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/developing-strong-frame.145242 https://theredarchive.com/post/145242

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