I've been doing well for the past 2 months, reading the sidebar, lifting etc.

By the way this past year I faced a lot of implications..I've been missing from home for some tasks and duties I had to take care of and came home rarely, my mom's having cancer made everything more difficult for me...

I noticed my dad acting really harsh and putting insane pressure on me , scolding me for almost everything even if it is or it isn't my fault, so last night I couldn't take the pressure and I got into an intense fight with me, I can't balance my emotions if someone is trying to fuck them up constantly, I was looking up info about cancer on the internet and found out that ascites is an end stage symptom of the illness, my mom is suffering and her belly is bloated from ascitic liquid and when I made this shocking realization that it is an end stage form, No one had told me anything and so I was really moody last night and had the fight with my father. He left home and I took some codeine from the cabinet and bromazepine, I got totally numb and buzzed but I know this is not a solution. I think I might be taking a break from TRP for now, I'm not into the mood to go lift or flirt with women, it feels as if every step I took to become better thanks to your help here got crushed down in a few moments..... I'm literally expecting the worst to happen and this is teriffying, I also think I might need professional help and be prescribed drugs as I've noticed that SSRI or anti-depressants have results so this must mean I need some kind of treatment.

I quit smoking weed and drinking alcohol for some time now. what should I even do? I'm not in the mood to go lift or study or do anything educational,recrational,helping things in my life right now other than sleep and take medications.

The thing with my mom crippled me and devastated my psychology, my dad keep asking what I was so energetic and happy about and I told him about TRP, how it helped me stay focused but his talk makes me wonder if I do really care about my family or not, does it mean I don't care if I spend time enjoying my life? He says that all I care about is the gym and how to look attractive and have fun all the time...is it right to keep focusing on me or should I pause for a little bit? I've always felt used by my father especially lately, he continually keeps discouraging me from stuff I do and I feel like he wants to trap me into an emotional dead end just because he's feeling sad at the moment, but he doesn't have to drag me down by making me feel bad about what I do, he's suffering a lot probably and he can't take it out any other way other than make me feel miserable too. What choice do I have?