After meditating today for over an hour.,( 4th day I do this ) I got really objective about life in general , ( I'm practicing on a book called ''The Power of Now '') . My meditation clarity could be the sort of one I had when took 7 g shrooms , everything seemed as it should be , as it is , I hadn't trancendent my consciousness in some spectacular level , but I was feeling I was in the right path . After 3 hours , when arriving at the gym , after finishing first working set I realised I was devastated about my parents remorsless stance and found that my guilt before starting self-improvement has left damage in my soul . I can get a bit anxious about stuff , though I never get overwhelmed by it , but this realization hit me like a ton of bricks , it's like the pain brought me to an inner body experience where I felt completely numb. I'm 22 now , feel great about myself , studying what I love , have improved in most areas, but for some reason this thing came up , and I understood that I can't accept TRP all the way due to the negativity I have towards my family .

My parents were very BP and had a negative imprint which I felt since a kid , they were creating this anxiety about life in me ( you are so special , you should be very careful about everything , your grades is all that matters etc. ) , but everything changed in highschool when I had the fortune to join a wrestling team . I started as an average 14 yo fatty chump (who always participated involuntary in team sports couse family thought so ) and in one year I had transformed immensely ( went to 160lbs with abb definition) , older people were making fun of my gains as ''natty'' ( I didn't even knew what it meant back then ) . Was so hyped coach put me in competitive team with kids that were in the sport since kindergarden and due to my weight I had to sparr older kids and men all the time . Training trully changed the way I viewed life to this day , I had this inner effortless peacefull confidence that never happened before (my body had nothing to do , though it seems weird I didn't even cared about it at all , although I got quite ripped ) , which transfered on all aspects of my life . I was never spiritual or religious , quite naive at best , but always confronted training both as a great feat and a spiritual expierience .
A year after was when my parents stepped in , they started making negative remarks about how my body had developed and towards my aloof attitude , they were constantly negging me about my future and that training will spoil my grades for getting in a university . The idea was that I was training too much and all I could I accomplish was becoming a wrestler , something they always mentioned with a grain with irony .All and all training was 3 times a week , roughly 2 hours each and I would ran for an hour after each session .The negging got toxic but also was considering my parents' certainty as well intended , I quit wrestling for good and became the proper student , which was reading for stuff I didn't care , for a school I disliked , spenting most of my time playing video games , watching porn and compalsive eating my way through highschool years .

I'm actually afraid meditating again but prefer it than turning away from guilt , I am certain it has very positive impact in my life , but , what I really struggle with is letting go of this and being able to show true forgiveness . What should someone do when encountering such negativity when meditating ?