Hello guys,

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How to cope with this weird gut feeling that I have?

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It manifests the most when I see a group of attractive girls or some mixed company having fun. I'm alone right now, pretty much nobody to talk to. I'm busy with my life, could say that I'm doing an unintended monk mode because I doubled down on taking care of myself but I didn't really establish any meaningful connections with people in the last 6 years. Whenever I see such people enjoying their life all I can think of is the fact that all I do is improve myself, do my best in the work and when studying and have very little life to enjoy. Moreover, me being 20, I feel that I will get old before I reach success and all I will have left are some old post-wall plowed hags or a life of a lonely man. And while I consciously explain it to myself that I can handle that, internally I still fear it quite a bit. Also I turned back to the habit of rushing through my conversations. I do my best to end them as quickly as possible, not to say anything daring that other people may overhear, looking away so as not to prolong it etc. My mind shuts off. Do you know anything that could help me please, bros? Thanks.