This is a rant and advice seeking post. TLDR at the bottom.

Currently 17 and I'm on summer break from school. When I return I'll be a senior. My current schedule has been wake up and go to the gym for 2 hours, come back and read books for 3 hours, then play games/text my girlfriend for the rest of the day. I've done this for 3 weeks and it wasn't until yesterday that I realized how much time I am wasting. I recorded myself on the computer and I spent 11 hours playing league of legends on the computer. From 11 am to about am (with breaks and eating in-between). I'm playing that much trying to reach a certain rank in the game and have been grinding for the past weeks. It wasn't until my dad grounded me from it did I notice how much time I've killed.

Sure, I'm lifting which is good and reading for a total of 5 hours, the problem is that after that I play League of Legends for 6-8 hours at home. I don't really have much else to do because I can't really go places because I'm watching my siblings when my parents work but I know that I can do something aside from playing games that long.

I got a job and I start working next week, which is a start, but what else can I do? I want to work in the medical field when I'm older and my parents tell me that in order to do that I should work on my SAT and ACT test scores. I also have 3 essays due by the end of the semester when I return to school and I'm planning on starting them next month.

Now I just feel so empty and like an underachiever.

  • Haven't reach the rank I hoped for in a game

  • Waste my day playing games

  • Miss hanging with my girlfriend (she's at camp)

  • Haven't started my school work

*Looking back at the time I wasted and getting angry I wasted it

This made me wake up this morning with a pessimistic outlook on life. The first hour I woke up I was bumping That's All She Wrote. Before I went to work to talk to my boss I changed to Owl City and that helped lift my mood. But the thing is that now I'm giving my self negative depressing thoughts (such as losing the job, girlfriend leaving, not getting to the rank I want, not finishing my essay, wasting time) for no reason other than the fact that I didn't achieve one goal and I wasted lots of time on it (the game thing).

That has had me angry at my self for first, wasting time playing the game for 6 hours+ a day, not getting to where I want to, letting myself depress myself, and letting my self feel inadequate to myself. Like I've turned into a little bitch this week.

For example, I sent my girlfriend a message and she replied back with "k" and I got mad. The same person who sends her "k" and teases her for getting mad at me for doing that. The old me who would laugh at her silly games and attempts to get under my skin is actually being self-conscious now and imagining the worst happening. I'm giving too many fucks for silly things and I hate it.

Things I have done right are:

  • Working out 4 times a week (I look huge compared to old me)

  • Finished reading 2 books

  • Got a job

  • Closer to my game goal, but not there (1 rank below where I want to be)

  • Coming from the person who has had only 1 week relationships to now going on almost 2 months

I know that in order to fix this I simply have to start doing what I need to do, but right now I feel like fuck it, lemme just wallow a bit longer before I sober up and even that's making me hate myself for being a lazy fuck.

TL;DR Getting pissy over not getting what I wanted and regretting my actions leading to me not getting it. Feeling like I've wasted time and might as well waste more.

Any advice or words to man me the fuck up and help me get out of this bitch mentality are greatly appreciated. I decided to post it here since you guys give the cold hard truth and I need a dose of reality.