A story about me. I am 22 years old and I just graduated from college (Bachelor). I am 6'5 and I am relatively good looking.

I started lifting weights when I was 18 but became serious about around one year ago.

My problem and insecurity was always with women. I never understood them, like 0%. Like so many other men. As a teenager I was actually pretty outgoing and I had a lot of friends. Girls really liked me too when I was around 14/15.

But at the age of I think 17/18 I started closing myself off totally and losing myself in a way. Thankfully I was naturally pretty good in socializing so I still managed to make new (guy) friends in this time and maintain my social circle.

What happened was I closed myself off totally for women. Looking back I don't know why and there were plenty of women/girls trying to crack through my shield. I was not shy, but I was very blunt towards them. Eventually this became anxiety towards woman and around 20 I had a lot of social anxiety and depression in all aspects of my life. I became very addicted to pornography and videogames and overall I was a mess.

I always asked myself: "why does no girl/woman want me?". A lot of people said to me: "girls must love you!". In my mind they didn't and this was my reality. Looking back there were definitely a few girls that liked me but I think they gave up after ignoring them.

In this time I have hooked up with girls but never any type of relationship, always a one time thing.

I think last year I decided to break through these habits, quitting pornography, quitting videogames, lifting harder and getting my shit together. Looking back I was never the stereotypical beta/white knight. I was just so closed off, I saw everything as an assault on my ego. I was fairly paranoid. Which is of course not "alpha" either.

From 21 to now (22, almost 23) I saw such a massive change in my behavior. Not even reading The Red Pill advice, I did a lot of these things automatically, naturally. I became a lot more assertive. Saw an extreme change in how women perceived me. Still I had my moods from time to time but accepting this I gave these moods a lot less "power" and currently I am fairly happy.

Now two weeks ago I was at a small festival, dancing, having fun with my friends. I didn't feel like going up to a girl at all, I wanted to have fun with my mates. I love party-ing with my friends (they are all guys) and just do crazy shit. Instead of focussing on "picking up" I just do my thing and it made me feel great.

Eventually two girls dance next to me. One of them (a 8/10 fitness chick serious) keeps grabbing my butt. The first time I didn't even respond (don't know why, just didn't give a fuck). The second time I did and we immediately hit it off, dancing and eventually grinding.

From this point everything felt natural to me, feeling assertive and in a way dominant. We went outside to get money and she kept giving me that look, so I made out with her. Went back and she disappeared. So I decided to go back to my friends instead of searching for her. Went crazy with my friends again.

All of a sudden she returns out of nowhere and starts dancing behind me. Grinding against my ass. So I get her in front of me and we start making out more. Pull her thighs close to me, grabbed her ass and just started making out. She grabs my hand and we go to her home and have sex.

Now here comes the interesting thing:

  • Two days later I decide to ask her on a drink date, just casual, she said yes
  • She asks me: "Do you remember what happened that night?" She didn't remember the night she said, even though she was far from drunk, not even close. I don't have sex with black out girls and she initiated almost everything to have sex.

I was going full beta at that point. I was putting her on a pedestral because of her looks and popularity on social media. Kind of caught the feels a bit (you know the feeling after having sex with an extremely hot girl). I texted her too much I think and I didn't understand why it took so long for her to answer. She is of course playing games, or not even interested anymore. I have not fucked it up yet I think and I play the same game she plays with me now.

Anyways my questions are:

  • When she disappeared (walked away out of nowhere) was this a test? Because when I went back to my friends, she was even more into me.

  • Saying she doesn't remember the night, is she ashamed of being seen as a slut?

I really like the TRP reddit. Helped me a lot and it felt like a wake up moment even though I have never had a LT relationship. It explains a lot of the encounters I had in the past.