Specifically, an ex with BPD. I let my interest level go up to high - really I was just trying to put in equal effort in the relationship -, got sucked in as she started to fade out. She set standards for communication when some distance was between us, and I started filling in the gaps or taking initiative, which spiralled into her eventually flaking on me big-time. Also, she lied to me to test me - a screw up your future plans if they involve me lie. The lie was about a decision she had to make with her future which wasn't an actual decision. I believed it, unfortunately, and misread the distress on her face when I asked about it. So, when she flaked, I was too good about it, thinking she needed time to make her decision. A giant head trip. Anyway, this led to me being gaslighted, provoked to call her names (which I didn't do because I'm not 5 years old), accused of saying hurtful things never said. I allowed it to happen, sunk investment and all that. Played along with BS I shouldn't have and she got me to bend on my word, etc. This caused me to state I was done with the relationship. It all happened through text and I had no clue how to turn it around without being able to see what was genuine. Me saying I was done wasn't what I really wanted and was me losing the crazy game.
The outcome is she's lost all respect for me. Despite knowing each other for 10 years, she won't allow closure or give me a chance to speak my mind. I guess I just need to throw it away now. She actually screwed my life up at a sensitive time. Should have seen the warning signs.