This is not "this one girl" type of post so please bare with me even tho at times it may seem like it is.

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Few months ago ive hooked up with a girl from my "social circle". She didnt see me for over a year and in that time period i improved my body trumendously- lost weight, started lifting etc. Unfortunately my mind didnt catch up to my body and my inner game was still a mess- never saw myself as a prize, never really felt like im worth something. She is really hot girl so with my inner game not developed at all obviously i went full beta for her, emotionally invested to the point im disgusted with myself.

She broke up with me because i became a gigantic bitch. However she kept mentioning how fucking great the sex is and she wanted to keep me as a "plate", just to fuck from time to time. Now being emotionally invested and weak as fuck i agreed to that just to keep her close to me even tho i wanted much more then sex.

Now i didnt see her for few days just to get some perspective- deleted facebook on my phone just so i can stop checking my fucking phone. Now as the oxytocin is slowly leaving my body i finally start seeing her flaws. Part of me still wants her, but i conciously made the decision to move on and fuck a ton of bitches- i realized before i can be with someone i need to get that abundance and really internalize how bad emotionally investing too much too early is.

Anyway, to the point. I stopped talking to her completely, she didnt call me aswell. In order to move on faster should i just ghost her completely (its kinda hard, same social circle) or give her the generic "it was fun but its time to move on" talk/message? Part of me feels like i need actual closure however another part of me is telling me i just want to send this message to get a reaction out of her. Also i kinda wanna "win" back some power- she broke up with me and proposed to be fuck buddies, so now i feel like i can actually feel better about myself if i end this completely.

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Another question: how the fuck do i stop being so mad at myself? Im not mad it didnt work out with this one girl- im mad cuz i knew about red pill before i hooked up with her, i read a lot etc. yet i completely failed to internalize it. First hot girl that wanted to fuck me completely fucking took over my mind and heart and i acted on emotions like a little bitch even tho logically i should know better given all the knowledge i consumed. I guess this event will definitely help me internalize some of the stuff from the side bar but im still mad i had the theoretical knowledge but it all went out of the fucking window.

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Sorry for a long post. Im trying to do all the right stuff- delete facebook for a while, focusing on working out and getting in even better shape, avoiding common friends or spots when she hangs out but its still a tough process.