(Rather) longish introduction: I am 32 years old. Living with my mother in a 2 apartment flat (I can explain that later if you need me to). And since last December I finally have a job (half time, but whatever). Got a University degree in 2004, and tried for 2 more degrees, but it somehow shouldn't be.

My childhood I was quite over protected, andmy mother new perfectly well to emotionally extort me (is this the right word?). I barely had friends, my parents would rarely allow friends to come over and never for me or a friend to sleep over "Good kids don't need Friends, they have their parents, you are a good kid aren't you?". Girls? "You dont need a girl, you have your mommy"

Never went out with friends, thus never socialized, searched for escapes in video games and how the downward-spiral begins.

I had severe oneitis on this one girl. You could say I built my world on her, than somehow she dropped the bomb "I never loved you, it was all a game" a 3 year long game, and she had to do it right after I had a big as surgery and that was the last thing I needed. Lost complete trust and interest in females.

After the surgery, and her bullshit, I let myself go, gained like 50kg, became the dictionary example of a shut in. Only social Contact I had was in chatrooms and MMO.

Over a chatroom I got to know a friend, who "saved" me from my shut-in hood. I stayed first time over night outside of home, without consent of my mother... when I was 21 (early bloomer eh?)

But my anxiousness in front of girls was a wall I couldn't tear down

First time sex for me was with 29. With a good damn hooker.

Fast forward to today: I am still anxious when it comes to talk with women/girls. Apart from those selling me food and stuff. Not as bad as before, when I couldn't even talk to a non saleswoman without being heavily intoxicated on booze, but still. And combine it with being socially awkward because of the lack of social interactions for nearly 7 years (1997-late 2003)

With the 4HB method I managed to come down from 111-91kg within 6 month with weight watchers 130 to111kg. So alone from my body, I am on the best way to be handsome. Just braces and minor surgery to get from a 5-6/10 to a 7-8/10.

But now is, where I look at you for help, tipps, whatever helps improving me.

I am very passive. People tend to say about me I seem very submissive and always need to be lead. For one part I think it is true, but for another part I simply don't care. A thing I want to change.

I am very easy to stagger in every possible way you might imagine, also a thing I want to change.

I think those 2 are some of the steps I need to do to get a better "inner game" and become more confident, confident enough to talk to girls.

The "Just do it" just doesn't work for me for this. The walls are just to thick and to steep to do it. I tried, but I could even get 1/1000 of an inch closer to coming to where I want to be.

I read "the game", yes, I did some of it at parties (which I was invited seldom enough) it t worked to some degree but I was (still am) way to chicken to go further.

What do you suggest I do. This walls, I want out, show me how to make cracks into it so I can start tearing them down.

If the english is funky, its not my main language, I try my best