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[–]abdada53 points54 points55 points 10 years ago (26 children) | Copy Link
I bet you talk too much and don't wait for people to finish what they're saying.
[–][deleted] 21 points21 points21 points 10 years ago | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]RojoEscarlata29 points30 points31 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Most people listen not with the intention of understanding, but the intention of replying.
Remember that so it doesn't happens to you anymore and you should be able to refine the art of conversation.
[–]abdada5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
I would ask you to leave a party of mine as well.
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 10 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
In my mind I think I'm being socially fun and memorable unlike the boring wallflowers. How do I improve?
I suppose I'm bringing a club dynamic into a party dynamic. This behavior in a club with strangers definitely opens doors.
[–]ComplementaryColour19 points20 points21 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Allways wait 2 full seconds before you open your mouth to speak. Speak slowly, like you have all the time in the world. And as if the entire universe is listning.
Even wait to speak the sentence in your mind before you throw it out. Deep breaths all the way down to the core of your stomach.
Eyecontact.
Stay humble, listen. Stay PRESENT while listning so that you can FULLY grasp what the other persone is saying, and add to that. People love to speak about their own chosen topics. Its good to be a "people pleaser" when it comes to this. But in this case it would be called charismatic.
[–]CumForJesus5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Well I'm not completely sure that's the reason dude. We are only speculating here.
[–]CumForJesus1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]abdada7 points8 points9 points 10 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
If those folks wanted a club atmosphere they'd be at a club.
You can't assume your personality will work everywhere.
In my case, the few parties I host annually are so rare that I defend them against that attitude and won't invite even a close friend a second time if they peacocked and spotlighted themselves like they were the only person in the room.
Understand that alpha ≠ attention whore, not by any definition. Some alphas successfully can live with the spotlight on them but that's because people actually like them and are attracted to them.
Don't assume you're attractive or likeable just because drunk makeup queens in a club do. Real Game takes more than booze and low lights to work.
[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points 10 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
This is clear to me now. Great post.
Would you be able to express further thoughts on real 'real game' and/or how to succeed socially in a party atmosphere?
I've spent too much time in clubs over the last few years as I didn't have much of a social circle in my area. Now I do, and I'm only learning the ropes.
[–]abdada4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Glad you're seeing it. Too many clubbed up fake alphas take issue when I shit on their rainbow, lol.
*Game ≠ confrontational and AMOG
In a club your moments are short-lived so AMOG and overcocky makes sense. In a quieter party setting, you aren't on your turf and you need to be accepted by the group before you have any SP or option to DHV.
Switching to quieter parties will pay huge dividends later. If you can get invited back.
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
you need to be accepted by the group
This is something I struggle with. I identify single people that I respect and build relationships with them. But being accepted by a group, usually comprised of a few people I can't see myself spending time with one on one, I find to be quite difficult. What I'm getting from your post is just listen more and ask questions.
[–]abdada3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You don't have to actually listen, just gives the perception of listening while targeting key words to incorporate in your replies.
Going into closed groups is a test of confidence and charisma (Game). AMOG isn't a good solution if you aren't instantly respected as the AMOG.
Patience is only needed until you know what works for you. I can generally connect with a group quickly because I know my strengths, but I'm also in my 40s and when I meet new groups my reputation precedes me with a little SP.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
AMOG isn't a good solution if you aren't instantly respected as the AMOG.
This definitely has been my strategy over the last 2 years. Its working increasingly which is why the results reinforce the behavior, but it definitely isn't working every time I want it to work.
its pretty obvious why it doesn't work with closed groups, they have their amog
[–]6482624 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Using old school PUA-lingo here, but you'll have to calibrate your interactions in the groups you struggle with. Turn some parts down and other parts up as you seem to have the basics down and a will to learn.
[–][deleted]1 point 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
And drink less. Fair enough.
[–]ThrowingMyslfOutther2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Talk slower. Less anxious. Fewer words, a couple sentences, not a couple paragraphs. Listen. Reframe and repeat what they say to you (women only).
Always leave them wanting more.
[–]MakeItSoNumba10 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
New to TRP. My experience is similar to /r/ComplementaryColour. Seems like good conversationalist is 90% listening 7% asking the right question to get the other person talking and 3% having a relevant reply.
[–]Freddy_Fedora0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Game applies to sex but to people too. Being selfish with your socialising and stealing all the lime light will make people dislike you.
People like talking about themselves. Let them, gather valuable information, all the while they like you more at the end.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Great thread. Just reading this made me realize I often cut people off if we're having a passionate conversation (passionate meaning either good or bad).
It's always better to let someone finish talking right? Unless it's an extreme circumstance like someone completely losing it.
[–]abdada2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Controlling the amount of words doesn't mean you're framing a conversation.
I can lead conversations into my frame with very minimal words, and good body language.
[–]RocketManV1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
If you're talking with someone who has few breaks, how do you interject?
[–]abdada2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If they don't know how to have a conversation, I bounce to someone who does, unless I have a political reason to listen to him blabber.
When it comes to women, I always encourage them to blabber more if I have reason to believe she's worth more to me later on. If not, I'll try to introduce her to some schmuck who can take the abuse.
[–]RocketManV1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Brilliant.
[–]ultimatewpierdol-2 points-1 points0 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
It is literally impossible to be "too assertive", since the definition of this word means perfect balance between submissiveness and aggression. The more assertive you are, the better. No exceptions.
I mean, even if there was something actually wrong with you, it wasn't assertiveness. The person that has problem with you uses words they don't understand. Keep it in mind
[–]Promo06 6 points7 points8 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, those men were presumably confusing assertiveness with aggressiveness.
People who are extremely assertive don't actually come off as assertive. It's quite difficult to notice consciously.
[–]ConradBHart420 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
since the definition of this word means perfect balance between submissiveness and aggression.
Not necessarily, since the 'perfect' balance is fluid and changes with any situation.
Assertive simply means that someone asserts themselves without actual aggression. Aggression in this case meaning they try to make themselves the center of attention and control the social dynamics of the situation.
Your point still sort of stands, since Aggression, submission, and assertion are not really things that happen in quantities, so you cannot be too assertive, you cannot be too aggressive or too submissive.
[–]ultimatewpierdol-1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
you cannot be too aggressive or too submissive.
Yes you definitely can.
When you are too submissive, you are suffering a nice guy syndrome.
When you are too aggressive, you are a fucking douchebag.
Get it?
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Agreed, that's what threw me.
I was like, well, I'd rather be too assertive than not assertive. Confusing.
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[–]abdada53 points54 points55 points (26 children) | Copy Link
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[–]RojoEscarlata29 points30 points31 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]abdada5 points6 points7 points (17 children) | Copy Link
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