Hello, everyone!

I'm a 19 y/o guy who grew up without a father, in a female dominated environment. I don't have many friends, but they're all guys like me - raised by single mothers. I also grew up in this Eastern European country, where it is completely normal and acceptable to feel depressed and be a miserable piece of shit. The suicide rates in my country are one of the highest in the world.

Despite being conditioned for 19 years to be this weak version of myself, maybe some of you have advice on how to learn to take responsibility for your actions, to approach situations with boldness - even if you're all alone, how to build confidence within yourself and learn to love yourself instead of trying to seek validation from others/or women.

I'm at this point in my life where I don't know who I really am, I actually hate myself a lot and hardly ever feel genuine happiness. Does anyone know how to fix this, or is it normal to feel this way? Most of the "confident alpha male" guys here in my country are toxic assholes who use drugs every other weekend.