I'm 20, was on the right path of self motivation but I got knocked off due to envirement and situation. bare with me this post might be shitly written but now everytime I self motivate I just go through the motions and I'm not in the present when I do it. any tips or advice to clear this brain fog of shit I'm in? I need to be able to get my focus back like I had. I think it's a focus problem. now when I have the mindset il get it for a little while then il just lose it. It used to not be like what though. need some motivation and help. I over think a lot as well. my energy has gone down as we'll as my willpower/spirit. Important: everytime I see something hypergamous that fuels me I back to my old ways to self improve. I actually get a rush of good anger and that is what I need. I actually feel alpha when a girl does something that pisses me off. but now it's getting to the point to where when I see hypergamy in action it depresses me.. I want that good anger back. this post is shitly written but I'm not in a good mindset to write this. I want my focus back I have no focus anymore

I feel like there's a lot of shit I didn't write but this is what's on my mind right now and what I think is stoppin me

little about me I got add and I go to a therapist, he always keeps trying to get me on an antidepressant, everytime I say no he works his way around and brings up again after I say I don't want to talk about it anymore. I think that's pretty disrespectful. I know a lot about medications and self improvement as to where I would try everything, even to increase my heigh/bone structure(5'11)for bone gains, I was doing good too and making progress but I got knocked off.

I need focus brahs

ima try fit all my shit in one post, whenever I play video games that constant action gets me focused and on the right mindset. but then il go out in a social setting and slowly loose that mindset. as if I were beta me again that doesn't know shit. I think my ego and self esteem might have got damaged from getting amogged a couple of times when I was self improving and in social situations. I used to like social situations when self improving I would fake it till I make it and it was working. before that I was a beta/omega/social awkward. my therapist says I say a lot of abstract shit too. also my parents are very toxic, I'm living with them and have no job as of now. I'm also a big procrastinator

I need a hobby and I need to want this and have 100% focus in it to get me going. something that gets me in it