How Do I Hold Frame?

vandaalen · 2019-01-13T19:04:25+00:00

Frame does not mean "your own reality". Frame is a description of reality and if somebody's in your frame, they perceive reality according to your description.

You "hold frame" by not making changes to that description.

I. E. "I am aloof and a rock and I got options Nothing can shake me." She tells you "I don't want to see you anymore."

Your world breaks down, you feel like someone pulled the rug away under your feet.

Not holding frame: "Oh no baby! Please stay! You are my one and only."

Holding frame (although you feel different in reality) : "K. Thanks for the good times. All the best. See you."

ihdlg99 · 2019-01-13T19:00:20+00:00

Read more literature, rest is experience

Maith_fear · 2019-01-14T00:22:56+00:00

You naturally hold frame no matter what you do, the question is whether it is your frame (which you may have developed into something advantageous towards yourself) or whether you are blowing in the wind falling into any which frame.

What does holding frame look like? Someone says you're being creepy/annoying, maybe two people are standing beside them and they aren't denying it, you instantly feel like the ground has been removed from under you and you start apologising trying to clear things up with the person who made the comment. What has happened here is that someone has asserted their frame (their interpretation of the situation) and you crumbled and fell into it, the bystanders will now most likely come to see things under that interpretation as from their perspective both of you are acting as if it's true (them by asserting it, you by apologising).

What does holding frame look like? Imagine the exact same situation except instead of apologising you consult your own understanding of the situation and come to the conclusion that you have not been creepy or annoying and you have the mental fortitude to challenge the other person's interpretation (some people might do the first part but still give in to the other's interpretation out of weakness). You might do this by making fun of what they said, making light of the situation or by straight up challenging their interpretation as mistaken.

The thing is also that you won't really have to think about how to assert your frame, do you think about how to assert your frame when someone says the sky is green? No, you would have an instinctual reaction and you wouldn't really worry about the specific way you refuse to accept their word. When it comes to women, hsotile social interactions etc the trick is to have built a habit of trusting your intuitive mind and having built the fortitude (aka not giving a fuck) to resist a basic amount of group think and submissiveness.

All those questions "what do I say? How do I act? How do I feel?" are questions the rational mind asks. The person with good frame doesn't know the answers to these questions, they aren't even asking them. They are working from the intuitive mind which is a much faster and smoother tool, I mean really how much brain power would someone have to have to be able to deduce the right thing to say in a rationalistic way rather than just blurting out the first thing that comes to their head? (I suggest reading Daniel Kahneman's Thinking Fast And Slow to understand the distinction I'm making between rational and intuitive mind, system 2 thinking and system 1 thinking in his terminology).

squirtlenugget69 · 2019-01-14T04:05:22+00:00

This is why everyone should be a carpenter at one point in their lives

bruiser18 · 2019-01-13T19:23:29+00:00

Sidebar

INNASKILLZ2K18 · 2019-01-14T04:44:46+00:00

It's yo' state of mind, the rules you put on the world, and others. The way you see shit. Live it, breath it, and make others play by your rules.

You hold frame...by not allowing shit tests to undo the way you see things, and the way you see yourself.

Sidebar...this is all elementary.

imtheoneimmortal · 2019-01-14T07:13:24+00:00

Start meditation

Title	How Do I Hold Frame?
Author	Arr18
Upvotes	5
Comments	7
Date	January 13, 2019 6:40 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/afma2o/how_do_i_hold_frame/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-i-hold-frame.163938 https://theredarchive.com/post/163938

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