So we are both 30.

I have master's degree, she doesn't even have a bachelors.

She is Russian, so traditional and wants family and kids.

I'm 6'2'', ripped (inb4 lift), about 12% at 210 lbs and well off.

She is extremely poor (not living on street, but with parents, but earns like 500$ a month).

We are seeing each other for about 1.5 years and so far I've been betabuxxing for her (no, I can't stop it now, especially not here in Russia). She buys some things like snacks sometimes, but other than that she doesn't even have any extra money, so if we go somewhere I have to pay. This is not a problem for me since I have a lot of money and I enjoy her company.

Other the fact that she is low IQ, no education and is upset that her career isn't working out (trying to get another education now). Big bonus - she is HOT and sweet, despite being 30 (although some age is starting to show), she is also traditional and from all of my research and inquisition I could not find confirmation that she would be unfaithful or a whore (here previous LTR was long term). Of course she could have lied about things and I will never know. Whatever. But really honestly I think she is truthful.

Thing is - sex has been amazing, I've done everything I ever imagined to do with her, filmed it all, did all kinds of freaky shit, so I don't feel like I'm not getting my worth of this relationship. I like here way more than my well-off, successful career woman ex-girlfriend. I feel really peaceful and relaxed with this new girl.

We kept seeing each other on weekends and maybe once a week.

Now...after she pushed the family/kids talk I kept evading and told her straight up "I don't want to promise you anything, because you already know how that goes. Sure I wish the best for us, but I have never seen a family model unlike you and I don't know how I will feel in that situation, it would take time for me. Living together would be a huge step."

Basically I want to get my arrangements in place, so we can start living together, but I never promised her marriage or kids. Obviously, she said she feels really unstable and stressed out about this and work.

I can't say for sure, but maybe slightly I feel her being more distant. In subtle ways like the way she sent me a text message. Now, I put a rule to never chase her. So if we had a text exchange on Monday I won't do anything until she calls me or writes to me about our plans for weekend or work week.

I basically try to get her to start missing me and initiate contact in some way. Maybe she thinks she should become more distant for me to chase here. Maybe she has found another beta buxx (I doubt it). She most likely isn't looking for alpha fuxx, because I fuck her very aggressively and do all kinds of freaky shit.

I'm already lifting and doing martial arts now and am hanging around gym now where there are way more hot girls and she knows it (dread). She even noted it. I do get interest from some girls, but I don't really act on it, because I find my gf hotter (onitis). But she knows other girls like me.

I must note that I also have been diagnosed with a mental illness and OCD/paranoia. This makes me very obsessive about everything, including micro expressions and I get obsessive thoughts about why my gf is acting like this or that, what is she doing, etc...I want to get rid of these thoughts.

I know that if she fucks with me it is over between us and I have videos that could ruin all of her life and potential marriage with another guy, so I feel safe in that aspect.

I know that financially I am 100000x better off than her. Even age wise I look younger. Education is better, too. I know that it is good that I'm not chasing her with initiation of contact / texts. I know that chasing or trying to please her and lie, telling it will all be great and we we'll have a family and 3 kids, would be wrong. I can't guarantee that. I have never lied to her, just not told her the full story or full truth (tease, evade, obfuscate).

Do I see a future with her? Maybe. Depends son how she acts, how caring she is, etc...she is very warm around me, very caring, very touchy when we are together, etc...she loves my ripped body and so on. But I feel like she is getting the best deal in this LTR: rich guy, buff guy, relatively popular guy. Her biological clock is ticking. So logically I should not be chasing, not be thinking of her and let her come to me.

So how do I stop thinking about her and obsessing? Yes, other girls are showing interest in me. But she is hotter. No, hotter girls than her aren't showing interest in me. Well, maybe one was, I don't know.

Logically I think I'm doing right thing not giving into her demands on family, not promising her things, just saying that: "We shall see how it goes, I hope for the best". I'm vague, but I'm not lying.

I just want to stop thinking abut this and do my thing and if she starts being cold then let her be and split up and what not. I would be fine if she left me, but I don't like this feeling of not really knowing what she is thinking / doing right now, will she call me, etc...it is needy and beta. I try to pretend I have a frame, but I don't. I do everything right: work, exercise, go to popular gym, meet new people, do MMA, exercise dread, etc...but deep inside I'm unstable mentally, so I get these influxes of intense paranoia and OCD.

I've always had self-esteem issues about my looks. I've been told by normgroids that I'm good looking and my body is objectively top tier (been confirmed by bodybuilding groups), but I still have OCD regarding my face and am upset by facial proportions and harmony, so I might be placing my girlfriend above me, because she has excellent facial harmony and hot face. She has a really nice skull.

So maybe that aspect is messing with me a bit. I'm concentrating on 1 feature where she has objectively better off and ignoring the other ones where I mog her to hell and back.

Anyway, any exercises that I could do when I get this burst of obsessive thoughts? "Just don't think about her, bro" doesn't work!

I couldn't sleep, because was dreaming of how she will cuck me for a more ripped guy with more instagram followers and I will have to destroy them both to preserve my honor. I know that is stupid as fuck and I'd just go fuck some other girl and tell her to fuck off (and I've told her before that if there are any problems we just end it and be done with it), but I still get these intrusive violent thoughts.

Help me please. My logic says one thing and I try to act by logic, but my internal mind is a mess. I don't want to think of relationship bullshit. I just want to live and work towards my goal and do something great in this life. I don't want my mind to be obsessed about what this poor, uneducated Russian girl with a symmetric, hot face things and feels about me. I don't want to obsess about my every move to appear more alpha and have a stronger frame.

I had similar feelings in last LTR, but I ditched her due to same reasons (wanted a family and kids, I did not). Difference here is: I actually feel attracted to current girl (did not feel attracted to ex, she had bad body, this one is fit).