How do YOU add value?

blackedoutfast · 2016-09-07T07:02:52+00:00

It's different for every relationship. Don't just focus on your particular strengths because that is too limiting. Instead, try to identify what people need at any particular point in time and then figure out how you can use your particular strengths to fill that need.

Some people need validation, some people need practical advice, some people need someone to listen to them talk, some people need to feel popular or successful or wanted, some people need someone to share their hobbies and interests with, some people need a rich friend, some people need a popular friend, some people need a hype man, some people need someone who can make them laugh, some people need a good story teller, some people need a guy who can make their party fun, some people need a friend with connections, some people need a guy who always shows up with hot girls.

deadwoodcylon · 2016-09-07T06:17:03+00:00

Always keep your word. If you say you're going to do something, do it. If you know you can't keep a commitment, don't commit in the first place.

If you fuck up, say, "I'm sorry, I fucked up." And leave it at that. Don't apologize again. Don't beg. Don't grovel. Then don't make the same fuckup again.

Don't cockblock. If your buddy approached a girl (or a group of girls) first, let him run his game, don't interrupt or ruin his game.

Learn how to be a good wingman. If you're introducing your buddy to your female friend, say one good thing about your buddy to the female, mention one thing they have in common, and leave when they start talking.

Never talk shit about other men behind their back.

Call your male friends out on their shit every time. Do not let them slide and do not be gentle in calling them out. If they're fucking up, tell them they're fucking up. If they're being a pussy, call them a pussy.

Don't be butthurt about anything. It's never personal.

Expect the same (all of the above) from all other men.

Carbone · 2016-09-07T09:48:08+00:00

Just be there.

You can't force someone to need you. You need to wait for when he need someone and be there.

That's how you add value, patience and giving the right hook at the right moment.

deadwoodcylon · 2016-09-07T06:05:51+00:00

Are you a dude?

Shubrook · 2016-09-07T20:15:51+00:00

I'm going to assume your question is 'How to make friends with other men as an adult'.

When you are new to a group. Don't show off at all, but show up regularly. The key to forming friendships as an adult is repeated random encounters.
Communicate that you are happy to be there. Smiles with eye contact, help with the chores before being asked. His house is his house. Don't leave your shit around for him to clean up.
Stand your round. When it comes time for you to buy the pizza, or the next pitcher of beer, don't be a cheapskate. Aslo, Don't bribe them wait until it is your turn. If they use you for bitch work or otherwise haze you, fuck em. You are not a bottom rung person. You will not be part of any group that puts you there.
Don't dump your problems on them. Just like with women. It is easy to open up too fast. Never, ever, mention TRP. If they would understand, they already know. If they don't already know, they won't understand.
Kino - its weird to say, but touch matters with dudes, too. look up a guide for shaking hands.

grip their hand like you would grip a gun and flex your grip - but don't crush their hand. If you watch a politician shake hands, he cups their elbow with his left hand and bows slightly, maintaining eye contact. The whole thing takes as long as one breath.

If you're black or you wear tapout shirts, handshakes are a bit more complicated. there's hugs and fist bumps and all manner of dumb shit. If you cup their elbow, you can head that off so you don't plant your chin into their shoulder (not that I'm short or anything... heh...).

2 ears, 1 mouth. When you're new to a group, listen more than you talk.
Be there when they need you, and travel for & with them. they are 2 hours away? oh no! that's 3 episodes of netflix! Get of your ass and get out the door!

Rorta · 2016-09-07T22:28:10+00:00

K, so I'll give you two examples from today.

I went and got lunch with one of my oldest friends, he's building his own business at the moment in the fitness industry. Over lunch I gave him a lot of advice and new ideas for the direction to take his business in. He gave me some advice with issues I've been having too.

Then on the train back I bumped into a guy I was friends with years ago and haven't seen in three years. We caught up and it turns out he's moving to the same city I live in next week. He doesn't know anyone so I'm going to take him out for a few drinks and show him some good spots. He is about to start work in an industry I am extremely interested in so he could help me out with that in the future.

If you look at both of these examples we mutually added value to each other. Hope that helps.

randarrow · 2016-09-07T07:20:45+00:00

Meetup.com organizer, have several types of events I specialize in; don't do what everyone else is doing, but don't get weird either. Keep track of peoples interests, contact them for events you both want to do. Have a hobby which doesn't rely on other people, talk to people interested in that hobby. Always contribute to events. If someone invites you somewhere, and if you can accept (and they aren't shit heads) accept.

Take pride in my work, and don't talk about it. Take care of my finances, and don't talk about it. Stay out of family drama, and don't talk about it.

Title	How do YOU add value?
Author	ouchletgomyballs
Upvotes	14
Comments	17
Date	September 7, 2016 5:30 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/51jqae/how_do_you_add_value/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-you-add-value.110950 https://theredarchive.com/post/110950

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