I can't make myself vent my problems to people close to me anymore. I did this when younger and it did help, but people instantly lose respect for you the moment they see a man show any weakness.

Everyone comes to me to vent, and I have to be happy and uplifting all the time because these people depend on me. I'm a fucking man - if someone's depressed, I can't respond with my own depression; I'm not here to make people worse, I've gotta be strong for everyone else who's going through hard times, I'm not the only sad motherfucker in this world, everyones sad everywhere. Every time I need to talk to someone I just end up going for some alone time and lifting myself up, forcing smiles and listening to pumping music until I feel good.

Looks like these things don't go away if you just put a smile in your face and convince yourself there's nothing wrong, though. I'm fucked up inside, man. I suspect this is making me losing my shit - I'm hanging out looking for a fight just for the sake of it. I'm rude with people for no reason at all.

Jesus fucking christ, being a man is hard. I need a way to let those bad feelings out, but I can't vent with people and it just becomes aggressiveness inside of me. Fucking shit, I want to scream, I want to beat someone up, I want to yell at random people, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, I'll just fucking kill myself if it ever gets that bad. It won't, though. People depend on me.