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How exactly is partner-count defined?

michael6795 · 2015-06-03T14:54:53+00:00

Been in an LTR for a bit over a year, we were both virgins initially, can confirm. Am I considered her first partner if she has given a few handjobs prior?...

michael6795

June 3, 2015

0 upvotes

/r/askTRP

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Post Information

Title	How exactly is partner-count defined?
Author	michael6795
Upvotes	0
Comments	5
Date	June 3, 2015 2:54 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/38dk5o/how_exactly_is_partnercount_defined/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-exactly-is-partner-count-defined.149670 https://theredarchive.com/post/149670

Comments

[–]Endorsed Contributorfnordsnord5 points6 points7 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Ah - but now you're asking "what makes girls different from boys?"

Girls count as LITTLE as possible. They can hamster almost anything out of their count with sufficient motivation.

For example: Vacation sex doesn't count. (I was out of town. I'll never see him again. Drunk sex doesn't count. (I wasn't thinking clearly. I shouldn't have to admit to those decisions.) Making out doesn't count. (There was no genital touching, so it's not sex, right?) Rebound sex doesn't count. (I was trying to get over a bad breakup. He meant nothing to me, really.) Handjobs don't count. (I kept my panties on. He never touched me below the waist.)

EDIT: Ooops. Almost forgot: I was in college/it was my experimental period. (This one applies mostly to women over 30 as they hamster away encounters that USED to count, but as they got older the N got too large, and they needed to find a way to shave it down some more.)

And my favorite: Oral doesn't count. (My genitals weren't involved, so it's not sex, right?)

There are a host of others. But basically, if it's not stone-cold sober, penis-in-vagina sex in the town they live in while they are in a stable time in their lives, they will hamster it away.

Men count everything, including the time Mary Coopenhager from next door pushed her boobs up against his chest when he was 15 in the kiddie pool.

Which is why when I hear a woman's N-count, I automatically triple it in my head. x4 if she's got tats or piercings other than her ears.

When I hear a MAN's N-count, I divide by three.

[–]4delicioustreats0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Rorta0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]michael6795 0 points0 points0 points 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]Endorsed Contributorfnordsnord2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago [recovered] (0 children) | Copy Link

Determining and dealing with a woman's true N is a concept I struggle with. I'm not really sure it's possible to EVER get a right answer. Remember, when she gives you the number, she doesn't THINK she's lying. She REALLY DOES BELIEVE all that stuff "doesn't count." Otherwise her self-image would have to change.

I think that, in this day an age, it's too much to ask for a woman to have an N of zero or 1. Women want to be in relationships, and if they aren't willing to be sexually active, their men will leave them for a woman who is.

So for a woman of 25, my ideal would be: no more than 2 - 3 boyfriends in HS, no more than 2 - 3 boyfriends in college, and no more than 1 boyfriend every 2 - 3 years in the "real world."

So an average N-count for a girl who has fairly healthy relationships at 25 would be around 8 - 10.

I would consider a number higher than 12 (at that age) to be a red flag and I would think VERY carefully before LTR-ing up with her. Lots of guys want to see even less.