There is something negatively effected my life more than any other thing. I don't play a game if I can't win. I hate not winning something. If I can't be the best, I become lazy and let things go. I get bored quickly because I don't find things 'fun/worthy enough of my time' or I lose interest quickly. I don't like getting bored but I don't create fun by myself. This has been the case since my childhood. Unless I have a big important goal or project, I'm like that. If I can't have great friends, I might as well have none. If I can't get As, I might as well get Cs. If I can't have a girl I like, I might as well reject a few fatties whom I can practice with. I'm like a post wall women who is rejecting suitors left and right because of stupid standards. I know what I've been doing since childhood doesn't make sense.

I know I need to get comfortable with losing, getting hurt, doing my best and being not enough. I'm probably really afraid of those things. Only through failure I can learn and recalibrate myself and I need to do my best and fail again and again. I know these but when it comes to practice, I don't do it nearly enough. I know... "you just do it" but I rarely do. I know I'm basically bitching about it. Practically I'm plugging myself back in.

If you know what I'm talking about, can I get your advice?