This might sound really weird and maybe is one of the bluest shit you'll ever read but whatever.

When I was like 12 years old I had my first real crush on a girl. Of course, the beta shit I was (am) I ended up in the friendzone and stayed there for (wait for it) 6 years (yep.) Those 6 years where other boys started exploring sexuality and stuff like that I always wanted this one girl, but obviously nothing ever happened. This ended up in me having depression and I thought she didn't like me because of my personality because I am a pretty good looking guy (solid 8+). Well, I couldn't figure out what character trait she exactly liked or disliked so I forced myself to have a different personality. To be someone else. I tried to be introverted/extroverted, shy and outgoing, be an asshole, be a supernice guy, be loud and be quiet, I tried to be like famous people, musicians, even characters from series. I was everything at one point, except one thing. Myself.

And now I reached a point where I don't even know who I am or what my real personality is. I hope I was able to get my point across, does anybody here know some help for me?