Im 21yrs old virgin, who grew up without a father with a bi-polar mom whom because of her major depression let my brother abuse the fuck out of me physically and mentally my entire childhood.

Now after all these years found trp and start reading it, but I struggle with confidence since I had little to no intimate contact with women in my entire life. Hadn't been in social groups where I could practice talking to girls and get to know their emotional personas. Ive been fat half of my life, but in the last 4 years I lost 120pounds (im 5.8 163 atm), so its again one more point why I hadn't got laid and still lacking confidence.

I am using tinder for a year now with little success, sometimes I spiral down into damaging my self-esteem because I get verry low match count.

I dropped noFap (500days) because it made me sexual frustrated during summer, now I'm not that sexually frustrated even though I still seem to have same trouble - wanting to get women validation.
Since it is a paradox when you want something verry badly you tend to get it less, like I want to go to the bar and talk to women but I know that if I go there I would seek for women, not the fun times.

Any tips to breakthrough to women or/and stop seeking validation?