Husband wants polygamy

SkorchZang · 2016-12-05T16:46:40+00:00

I am scared he will find someone he likes more and treat them better than me and have better sex with another woman.

It's nearly always going to be better with the new woman, no matter what. You could be model beautiful, and still same thing. Male physiology. Even little fuzzbal labrats and cocks/chickens have the same exact deal. It's not personal and it's not just you. A new sex partner sexually invigorates the male like few other things can.

But no need to cry yourself to sleep over it, because naturally that super-attraction soon wears off, and then the man will return to where his home base is. He will literally throw away the new woman like a used up toy and leave, to be with you. Now she can cry about it. Chances are, she was a good fuck but is also insufferable, and wants "more". A man's instinct when the yoking is about to happen: "fuck that, I'm out".

You cannot expect or demand to be treated equally, that will never work. You must clearly understand that this is not about what is fair, this is about your winning strategy in the situation you're now already in. Who cares about "fair", if you can be winning? If you make a solid effort to create a cozy home base that he can always return to, where he isn't nagged, where you're sweet to him, he's loved and his children are taken care of, then his words to you will come true too, and he will never want to leave you, no matter how much his eurobunnies turn him on at the hotel.

Some of them may try to get him for themselves, only to be met with a very unexpectedly stern rebuke. It's completely under your control how stern, because it's in proportion to how much you make yourself of value to him as the "home base".

Here's what it boils down to. Never ask for equality (think about it, that would be equality with his other women!), you will be misrable. And besides you have claim on more than equality, you're the mother of his children. You will need ways to cope with your jealousy and fear, basically some other hens to get together with (perhaps in similar situations) and relate to each other.

RPSigmaStigma · 2016-12-05T17:02:46+00:00

RPW wouldn't give you good advice anyway. Just a bunch of clucking hens reinventing "The Rules" with RP lingo. I think /u/SkorchZang is spot on with his reply. The only thing I would add is that the best thing you can do is be happy and supportive of him. Be his cheerleader in his pursuits, make it a fun game you're both playing on these women. Think of it like sport fishing. He likes the chase and the thrill, but it's not about love. Keep in mind that his sexuality is not like yours, it's not inherently emotional. There's a saying in the swinger community: "sex is fun, love is real, and sex with someone you love is real fun." Keep that distinction in mind. He loves you no matter how much fun he has with other women.

idgaf- · 2016-12-05T17:43:52+00:00

In some ways I can understand what he's going through, and can tell he's still struggling with his ego because I've gone through some of the same things.

If he keeps watching porn, his current company will never feel satisfactory, because porn is very fake. A lot of guys here overcome their porn addiction out of necessity, in order to function properly with real women. Quitting porn & masturbation puts men in a physical and mental state that's more effective for attracting and being with real women.

If you are his first he will feel inadequate in a world where many people have many partners. We are conditioned by society to compare, and men have natural ego's that want to sexually and genetically compete. At least understand that he may still love you and your kids very much, but he is suffering from his ego and sense of inadequacy, partly fueled by porn, partly a natural male inclination.

I think your best chance at finding peace is it support him with a happy home and happy children. Over time he may see that these are the best things in his life and that sexual thrills are cheap (don't live up to porn). Forcefully opposing him would make him resentful, and leaving him would break the family for the kids.

Since you say you're willing to share him with another woman, and you're scared of losing him, you should just tell him these things and try to work out terms openly and honestly. I think he will appreciate the understanding and compassion you show him, in a world where these desires of his are socially shunned. In return he may take extra care of your worries and your potential for jealously.

He's taken a big risk by revealing them to you, because you could reject and leave him and the story would be all "his fault". I know stories where the husband simply bottles these feelings in, afraid of admitting them. Which leads them to simply cheat and create more damage to the family. At least appreciate that he's given you a heads up. That's how strong these feelings can be, that's how much he is suffering, to the point where he no longer cares what other friends & family thinks of him.

___Jamie___ · 2016-12-05T17:11:43+00:00

woh i didnt know women like u exist. it makes me feel nice inside :)

Spidertech500 · 2016-12-05T19:11:55+00:00

/u/Gaylubeoil?

Title	Husband wants polygamy
Author	Rpwthrowawayaccout
Upvotes	30
Comments	10
Date	December 5, 2016 4:29 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5gmt88/husband_wants_polygamy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/husband-wants-polygamy.310 https://theredarchive.com/post/310

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