I've been reading TRP for more than 2 years now, and objectively - I've improved a lot. I'm 19, 6'1, above average looking, white (if anyone cares) and from Eastern Europe.

Going from a skinny, playing video games 24/7 from ages 8-16, anti-social to being 95% of the time the fittest & biggest guy in the room, popular, social guy in my freshman uni course.

Problem is - I'm still a virgin, and still living like in my old days.

I never leave my house, so no fucking wonder girls don't know of my existence even if I'm hot. I sit at home while people socialize, and when I socialize, it's boring as shit. I don't enjoy the nightlife at all, most things people talk about are not relevant to my interests at all, I don't have stories to talk about because I don't have stories to tell, all I do is sit at my computer every day, doing work in a procrastinating manner, and trying to enjoy something...

But really - this isn't even about girls. This is about me.

After having degenerated for so long, constantly living a dopamine-fueled lifestyle in my formative years, I can't seem to enjoy...well...anything.

It's like using heroin (just on a lesser scale) for years, and then having to suddenly enjoy life without it - like how the fuck are you supposed to do that.

Like shit, I have no passion anymore. Getting up in the morning can be tough.

I don't enjoy socializing with people at all.

Shit, I don't even enjoy going to the gym, yet thankfully it's somewhat of a habit at this point.

No wonder why I'm not getting laid, especially if I don't ever leave my fucking house unless it's for the gym or university, but how the fuck do I motivate myself to do any of that when the process itself to me is fucking boring as shit?

Compared to constantly being dopamine fueled and actually enjoying competing against other people online (even if it's pixels on a screen) 24/7 for years, and then having to do mundane regular people shit like meditating, working out, visiting art museums, going to concerts / festivals... it just doesn't compare. Like, I was really fucking good, and I miss that feeling of being so passionate and confident about something, and yet whenever I try to do "normal / good" hobbies and become good at them, things that I even "like" , for example - graphic design, drawing, or even cinematography, the process itself bores me and I can't do it for a long time.

I've also found that there are very few people I can relate to... I don't "fit" in a category.

I like film critiques, min-maxing in video games etc...but I don't like any of their communities.

I listen to underground techno and EDM, yet again - Don't like their druggy communities or even going to raves.

I want to fuck hot girls... yet I don't enjoy doing anything that would help me achieve that goal, even something as simple as going out of my house.

People expect me to be a basic bro who just lifts and parties all the time just because of how I look... yet again - I just sit at home on my computer, don't drink, don't smoke, and of course - getting no poon while masturbating to pixel porn.

Pathetic, and yet - I can't seem to break this cycle of self-destructive behavior.

It's like even after all this progress, I still have a subconscious impostor syndrome because of my past, even if I don't think about it.

I'm trying to "fake it till I make it" till I enjoy shit... but fuck me, am I getting discouraged to do any of this shit after failing so many times already. If I do the same shit 20 times and it doesn't work and then do it again for the 21st time, I'm just a stupid ass then.

It shouldn't be this fucking tough to get laid and live happy... the fuck is wrong with me.